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“It’s okay,” I say. “You’re clean. I cleaned you. It’s okay, Helena.”
She tugs away from me.
“It’s not okay, Sebastian. She beat me and ordered him to rape me and the only thing that kept him from doing it was his fear of you. Of your wrath. And as grateful as I am for that, I don’t understand why he’s so afraid of you. What did you do to him? What more are you capable of?”
I stand, take a few steps away, run a hand through my hair before turning back to her.
“Why is he so scared of you?”
“It’s not important. It’s important he didn’t touch you.”
“Because only you get to dictate who touches me, right?”
“Helena—”
“Right?”
I remain silent as she rages.
“Is it true, what she said? That you can stop this, right now?”
I feel my eyes narrow, feel the tightening of my face. “It’s not that simple.”
She shakes her head. “Yes or no. Sounds pretty simple to me.”
“Lucinda is a liar.”
“And you aren’t?”
I shake my head, turn away.
“You told me to trust you. And I did,” she starts. “I didn’t believe her when she said you were feeding me piecemeal and I just fell for it. All of it.” She stops, bites her lip. “I fell for you.”
I go to her, take her by the arms. “Helena—”
She shoves me away. “Don’t touch me.”
“Lucinda will do anything to hurt me. To hurt you. To hurt us.”
“What us?”
“Don’t let her win.”
“She didn’t lie—”
“You don’t understand, Helena. There are things you don’t know.”
“What things? What things do I need to know that can redeem you? That can make me forgive you? You’re the reason my aunt died. You’re the reason I’m here. You’re the reason every time I move, every part of me hurts. You’re the reason I almost died. You. It’s all you!”
“Your aunt was old.” It’s a stupid thing to say. I hear it myself.
“Oh!” She shoves the covers off, swings her legs off the side of the bed. Stops. Squeezes her eyes shut and grips the edge of the nightstand.
“Stay in the bed, you’re too weak.”
It takes her a minute, but she opens her eyes and forces herself to stand. I go to her, take hold of her arms and catch her as her knees buckle.
“Get back in the bed, Helena.”
“Did you drug me? Am I drugged?”
“So your body can heal.”
She drops to a seat on the edge of the bed and shrugs my hands off. “Don’t touch me. I don’t want your hands on me.”
I hear her words but I don’t let myself feel them.
She covers her face, rubs her eyes. When she looks up at me, accusation burns into me.
“You’re right. She was old. And she was holding on until this reaping because somehow, she knew it would be me. And then that time came, and I never even got to say goodbye and you just kept lying to me over and over and over again.”
She stands again, takes a step, stumbles.
“Get back in the bed, Helena.”
“I don’t want to be in your bed.”
She takes another step, and this time, her legs give out. I catch her just before her knees hit the carpet.
“Get back in the goddamned bed.”
I put her in it and hold her down when she tries to get up.
“Stay in the bed or I’ll make you stay,” I warn.
“I don’t doubt you will. What else are you lying about? What else is there?”
“I almost lost you, Helena.” I step backward, hearing my own words.
“You never had me, Sebastian.”
Her words hit me like a fist to the gut. I watch her, rub the scruff of my jaw, see her suck back a sob.
“You’re tired. You need to sleep so you can think clearly,” I say.
I walk to the door.
“I want to go home.”
“No.”
“Let me go home. I want to go home!”
I turn to her, take a step toward her. “Home?” I snap. I don’t mean my voice to come out like it does. “Home to what?”
She flinches like I’ve hit her.
I force myself to stop, to keep away from her before I shake her to make her understand.
“End this. You can end this!” she screams.
“Lucinda’s a liar, Helena.”
“You’re the liar, Sebastian!”
“It’s not as simple as that.”
“Just let me go!”
I slam my fist into the wall. “No!”
Helena startles, her eyes go wide. I see the fear inside them.
She’s afraid of me.
“Why not? Why won’t you let me go? Why do you want to keep me when I don’t want to be yours?”
I feel my jaw tighten. Feel the weight of cement in my gut.
“You don’t mean that.”
“Oh, I mean it.”
“You’re tired. You need to rest. I’ll send the nurse in to give you a sedative.”
“I don’t need a fucking sedative.”
She pushes the blankets away again and this time, when she gets out of the bed, I wrap an arm around her middle and force her to lie back.
