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I was just lucky that Duke had thrown himself back into cowboy work, that it was a busy time of year, and they were shorthanded, because I didn’t see him until dinner. I’d designed it so that we were not alone in that cabin that scared the absolute shit out of me.
So now it was dinner, outside, three of us bruised, a slight amount of tension in the air. I had yet to get to the bottom of the reason for the anger between them. The plan was to ask Duke last night, but well, after spilling my emotional guts, I didn’t have the energy to ask Duke to spill his.
Duke was beside me. His hand was on my thigh. He had to eat one-handed in order to achieve that feat, which meant he used his fork as a rudimentary knife. Normally, lack of table manners disgusted me, mostly because it reminded me too much of my past, but considering he was doing this in order to touch me, I didn’t mind.
I should mind, of course. He didn’t need to go this far to convince his family we were together. I was pretty sure they believed it, apart from Harriet, of course. Who knew what that crazy bitch believed? I loved it.
“So,” Harriet said, clapping her hands and glancing in between Duke and me. “When are you two getting married? May I request a destination wedding? Tahiti? Or Peru? All-expenses-paid of course. And none of this coach crap. I’m expecting first class in the event that a private jet is not available.”
I was sipping on my wine when Harriet started speaking so I choked when she asked that.
Duke absently patted my back as I coughed.
“Married?” I repeated, looking to Duke for help. He was still rubbing my back, even though I was no longer coughing. I glared at him, and he merely smiled back. He didn’t look like he was at all bothered by the question of marriage to the woman he was only pretending to love.
Asshole.
I was very aware that all eyes were on me, and for once in my life, that made me very, very uncomfortable. Having all the eyes in the world on me at any given time, an audience was like second nature. Watching, adoring, secretly waiting for me to stumble, go down in flames. Of course, that’s not what this audience was doing. They didn’t want me to fail, for us to fail. They wanted us to soar and that was that much worse.
“We haven’t talked about it,” I said, words sounding flat and lame.
I was going to kill Duke, right here in his family home. Damn that asshole for not jumping in to save me from this. Wasn’t that what he was all about? Saving struggling women?
But he seemed totally content in letting me flail.
“Of course you have,” Harriet said. “Or at least, Duke has. He wouldn’t bring you here unless he was dead serious about you.” There was challenge in her eyes.
A dark, evil part of me really wanted to give them the truth, relieve myself of this act before it destroyed me. Before Salvador’s murder, I wouldn’t have hesitated to make an entire table of people uncomfortable to make myself feel better. I wouldn’t have cared about who I hurt—on the surface at least.
But I couldn’t bring myself to. Even with the fury I was feeling toward Duke, my need to punish him.
“I know he’s incredibly serious about his feelings for me,” I said, moving my eyes to the man in question, fake smile piercing. “Just like I’m incredibly serious about my feelings for him.”
Instead of being riled with my words and the true meaning behind them, Duke merely moved his hand back to my thigh, squeezing just to the point of pain then moving it higher.
My brows narrowed at him while my body responded to the movement.
“What do your parents do, Anastasia?” Anna asked, obviously trying to change the subject. She glared at Harriet who didn’t seem at all bothered.
The hand on my thigh was not necessary, but at this very moment, with this very question, it seemed as essential as breathing.
I took my time to chew. Swallow. Meet Anna’s eyes. “They’re dead,” I said. No matter how hard I tried to make those words soft and light, they always came out heavy and barbed, cutting through all pleasant conversation.
Normally I didn’t mind, because it put an end to small talk at whatever function or party I was at and I could make my escape to the bar or bathroom to take a couple Valium.
But tonight, I hated that everyone paused, that the air turned sour, and that all the easy smiles disappeared.
Duke’s hand squeezed my thigh. Hard. I knew he’d turned his head to look at me, but I kept Anna’s gaze. It was really difficult, considering her eyes held real pain, empathy, when most people I told had manufactured the emotions in order to curry favor with me.
