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He nodded. “I’m with an accounting firm in the Hancock building.”
“That’s nice.” They sat awkwardly staring at one another and Adrianna grew restless. “So why did you ask me to meet with you, Jason?”
Jason cleared his throat and took a sip of his coffee before answering. “I need to apologize to you, Ade.”
Adrianna tried to swallow around the lump in her throat that wouldn’t go down. Wide-eyed, she took a sip of her chai and just stared at Jason, unsure of what to say.
“When you came to see me after you got out of the hospital I said things I never should have said to you,” he continued. “They were horrible, hurtful things and I’ve spent the last four years feeling awful about it. Rachel-” he paused for a beat, “would have been appalled at what I said. I need you to know that I am so sorry, Ade, and I want to know if you can forgive me.”
Adrianna hadn’t realized she was holding her breath and now her lungs began to burn. She inhaled sharply and blinked back tears.
“You didn’t say anything I didn’t already know,” she whispered.
Jason shook his head and closed his eyes. “No. I was wrong. You weren’t responsible for Rachel’s death. No one, including myself thinks you were.”
“Why now, Jason? What made you contact me after all this time?”
Jason rested his elbows on the table and cracked his knuckles, something he used to do that drove Rachel crazy. Adrianna stifled a smirk.
“I’m getting married,” he said and Adrianna felt a twinge of betrayal for her friend. “Her name is Alexis and she’s great, I think you’d really like her. She’s funny like Rae was and just as beautiful. Anyhow, Alexis had a younger sister, Danielle, who died fifteen years ago, in a car accident like Rachel. Their mother was going to the store when she realized she had forgotten her wallet. On their way back to the house they were hit by a woman who ran a stop sign. Alexis’ sister was killed instantly. She was eight.”
Adrianna brushed at her cheek when she felt an errant tear had escaped.
“Her mother was so wracked with guilt, she committed suicide two years later. When Alexis told me that story, Ade, all I could think about was what I said to you and I’ve been so sick over it. Please know that what I said was only out of pain and that I didn’t mean any of it.”
Jason handed Adrianna his handkerchief when he saw her tears were falling freely now.
Dabbing at her eyes, Adrianna quietly sobbed, “For four years I’ve lived every day with the guilt of Rachel’s death, Jason, and thinking you blamed me, too, made it even harder.”
Jason closed his eyes again, looking pained. “I am so sorry,” he repeated. “I should have tried to contact you years ago but I was a coward. But please know, Ade, you aren’t responsible for Rachel’s death anymore than Alexis’ mother was responsible for Danielle’s. I hope you can believe that.”
Adrianna tried to get a hold of herself, for she was starting to attract the attention of others. Still, no matter how embarrassed she was, her heartache was too great to allow any composure. To hell with everyone, let them stare, she thought, and continued to cry into Jason’s handkerchief.
“Do you honestly think Rachel would want you living with this guilt?” Jason asked softly, only causing her tears to fall harder.
He was right though. Adrianna could practically hear Rachel tsking in her ear saying, “Would you cut it out, Ade? Listen to him, pumpkin, he’s right!”
Adrianna allowed herself a few more seconds to grieve and then she pulled herself together.
“Do you forgive me, Jason?” she trembled.
“There’s nothing for me to forgive,” he stated.
“Humor me,” she insisted. “Even if you don’t blame me, even if you never really did, just let me hear it.”
“I forgive you, Adrianna.”
In his words, Adrianna heard her best friend and she felt a tremendous weight lift from her shoulders.
“Thank you. I forgive you, too.”
