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“So what you’re saying is you don’t know if you really love me or if you just are attracted to the fact that I’m a basket case?” She ground her teeth together while she begged her eyes to stop filling with moisture.
“No…” Jack stammered, “…yes. I don’t know.”
Hurt and angry Adrianna jumped from the couch and fled to Jack’s room. She searched for her clothing and angrily started dressing while a few rogue tears escaped. Jack followed her and tried to take her hand to get her to sit calmly and talk to him but she shook him off.
“Don’t touch me!” she shouted and yanked her jeans up before slipping her feet into her sandals. She started searching for her purse but then realized she didn’t have one. She also didn’t have her keys or her wallet. Sticking her hand out she demanded, “Give me the key I had made for you. I need it to get into my apartment.”
“Ade, I didn’t want to get you upset,” Jack spoke gently.
“How the hell did you think I was going to react to that? You basically just told me that the only thing you liked about me was my problems! You think I’m going to be okay with a boyfriend who just wants me so he can fix me?”
“That’s not what I said,” Jack insisted. “I said I didn’t know if Gillian was right and that was bothering me.”
“If you don’t know why you love me, we’re still in a lot of trouble,” Adrianna seethed.
“Why do you love me?” Jack countered, taking Adrianna by surprise.
“Because you’re wonderful,” Adrianna spluttered, unable to keep from crying now. “You’re kind, and caring, and thoughtful, and funny. You’ve made me a better person.”
“If you had met me after you got off the pills and your life was perfect would you still have wanted me?” Jack’s voice was calm and sad. Only his eyes reflected the anguish he was feeling as he crushed Adrianna’s heart.
“Of course,” she swore.
“How do you know?” he probed. “How do you know that you really love me and not just because I helped you?”
Adrianna didn’t know how to answer that. But she knew. She knew it from the way she felt when Jack looked at her. She knew it from the way her stomach danced at just his voice. She knew it from the way she felt safe when his arms were around her. She knew.
“I just know,” she stated with conviction.
Jack sighed and collapsed on the edge of his bed. He leaned down to rest his elbows on his knees and held his face in his hands. Maybe it was just because he was a guy, but he couldn’t tell himself that he just knew he loved Adrianna and accept that for what it was. He needed time to work this shit out.
Adrianna wiped at her face and when Jack just sat without saying anything she literally felt her heart shatter. Jack didn’t love her. Not really.
“We need to stop seeing each other,” she said, choking on her words. Jack’s head shot up and he looked at her with eyes so intense with pain she thought they would burn a hole right through her.
“Is that really what you want?” he gritted, not able to move, frozen in fear at Adrianna’s words.
“If you can’t figure out how you really feel then it’s probably for the best.”
Jack was tongue tied. He didn’t know what to say to Adrianna. He didn’t want her to go and the thought of not seeing her anymore killed him but he had no words to express what he was feeling. He did love her but he knew it wasn’t fair to tell her that without knowing where that love came from. When Adrianna walked out of his bedroom and out his front door he didn’t stop her. Not even to return her key.
Chapter 14
Adrianna managed to make it to the police station that day to reclaim her purse and that was all. She returned to her home and fell apart. For days, she spent the time she was awake crying on her couch, mourning her broken heart. She ignored calls to her cell and knocks on her door. She didn’t go to the gym or exercise. She missed an appointment with her shrink and forgot to take her antidepressants. She didn’t shower and barely ate. She didn’t care that she never called to have her locks changed. Without Jack, she felt like her world was coming to an end.
