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“No. Given what you just said…I didn’t want you to be surprised by my continued attitude regarding… permanence. That doesn’t mean I want to end things. Not at all.”
Isabelle thought about it for a second or two and decided she would be honest as well. “Since you are being so forthcoming, I’ll do the same. I understood perfectly what I was getting into when I began with you. I take full responsibility for it. However maybe you need to understand my feelings in this matter.
“The truth is, I am looking for permanence. I came to Montana with the express intention of settling down. I’m weary of being without anyone special. In other words, I’m sick to death of living my life utterly alone.
“I have a large extended family with loads of married cousins who all have lots of children. Given the availability of social media, I see their happy families in all their splendid glory minute by minute if I so choose to go look.
“I don’t see them regularly in person, nor do I live close enough to them to participate in any reunion s, and without a significant other to bring, I’d never go anyway. But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave the same things. That doesn’t mean I don’t long to show up at the annual family gathering once and awhile with at least a boyfriend in tow.
“I do not want to live a singular life without anyone special to confide in or look forward to seeing each and every night. I do not want to be some dried up, pathetic lonely, old spinster before I even reach thirty-five.”
He’d watched her unravel with varying expressions of fear, sadness, understanding, and puzzlement. He eventually shrugged. “You don’t have to be alone, Isabelle. I don’t want to end things right now. I can’t promise a timeline for how long we’ll last. Maybe a very long time.”
“But you won’t ever marry me, is that right? I don’t know how to feel about that. We don’t even know each other that well. And it sounds like it won’t matter to you if we ever do. Not even if we’re soul mates or for any other romantic reason.”
His expression darkened. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then closed it, shaking his head. Isabelle truly was over the edge and in defensive protect-her-heart mode.
So to push everything right off the cliff, she upped the ante, adding, “I guess I’m left to wonder, what’s the point? Even though I know the exact answer, I still hate to lose out on what carnal activities you currently offer that also rock my world. But what is the point of continuing even tomorrow night, if there is no possible chance for a future together?”
“Isabelle, please slow down. I’m not ready to end anything with you. Certainly not now or tomorrow or even next week. While I can’t promise forever, I can say with clarity that I do want to continue with you.”
He moved closer, but she backed away. She sat down behind her desk, wanting the comfort of a barrier between them for the rest of this difficult conversation. She only had herself to blame for this foolishly harsh talk.
“I don’t know that I want to continue, if you’re only counting down time until the day you stop calling, stop visiting me at work, and stop wanting me.” The last three words came out in a wobbly voice about to give into at raging tear-fest. She tilted her head back to stop the waterworks, hating herself for giving into this emotion, especially right now with the object of her affection looking on.
Warrick was an imposing figure, filling up her office as he stood in front of her desk. Why had she rocked the boat? She was so stupid. She should have gone along until things ended. Likely that future day would have been less caustic than today.
He edged closer to her, held out his hand, which she took. He pulled her out of her chair, hugged her tight, and said, “The thing is, I care about you, Isabelle. I’m not ready to let you go. I’m a little out of my depth here because the truth is, you are special. You are different. Both Colton and I feel differently toward you than any other woman we’ve ever known. I won’t promise you forever, but I can promise I’m not simply marking time until I say good-bye. That is not how I feel.”
His sincerity was palpable. He wasn’t here to deliver a farewell along with the kiss-off bouquet. She was being foolish. Emotional. Likely the epitome of the reason he didn’t ever want permanence in the first place.
Isabelle hugged him tight, almost ready to say she was sorry for being so clingy and emotional. Before she could even form words to respond, and take back everything she’d said, the phone on the other side of her desk rang stridently. She pushed out a breath and gave Warrick a wobbly smile.
