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28
Shay had twisted her hair up into a loose knot. She'd pulled on a t-shirt and shorts. She knelt in the sand as she took the sandwiches out of the cooler and placed them on plates on the blanket. We'd stuck our shoes on the corners of the blanket to keep everything from being picked up and carried away with the breeze. The Santa Ana winds had brought another day of summer like weather. On the drive home from the cemetery, Shay had suggested a picnic on the beach. Frankly, I could have sat in a cold, dark room for the rest of the day as long as she was by my side.
The moment she took hold of my hand at the gravesite, my chest tightened. I wanted her. I wanted Shay in my life. She knew exactly what to say and do to make me feel less like my dad's creation and more like a member of the human race. I'd devised the plan, sure that if I subjected myself to temptation and forced myself to deny that temptation, I would eventually subdue my insatiable need for meaningless sex. But the more I reflected on the last few out of control years of my life, the more I wondered if I was driven only by physical urges. I'd always figured the stream of women was my way of proving that I was in control of my own life and my dad no longer had a say. But being with Shay had opened up the possibility that I'd been trying prove to myself that I was just as tenacious and strong-willed as my dad and that I didn't need any form of emotional attachment either. But it seemed my plan had backfired big time. It seemed I needed that attachment. Only Shay wasn't sitting with me because she chose me or found me worth being with. She was there because of a stupid contract, a contract that would eventually end. Then she'd drive off with a check, heading far away to her new life in Alta Dena.
Shay pushed the bangs out of her eyes and took a bite of her sandwich as she stared out at the ocean. I could easily look at her all damn day and not do anything else except watch her eat and look at seagulls as she struggled to keep the hair out of her eyes.
She smiled over at me and pointed to the sandwich on my plate. "Aren't you going to eat? You were right. That's a good deli. Just enough mayonnaise."
"I'll eat in a minute. I'm just having too good of a time watching you."
She spun around on her bottom to face me. "I guess that's pretty wild knowing that you have a mom now. Like she just popped up from a wish. I can't tell you how often I wished for my mom to come back, to just appear alive and well at the door. I would be sitting at my wretched grandmother's kitchen table doing homework, listening to her rattle on about what a useless, spoiled brat I was, and I'd close my eyes and say, please, Mom, just swim back to me."
"I had a lot of those days too. It does feel strange knowing that my mom's been out there all along. I dreamt up all kinds of stories about where she went after she dropped me in my dad's arms. My favorite was that she was a famous archaeologist digging around in Egypt, looking for lost pharaoh tombs."
Shay laughed. "You never know. Maybe once you get to know her, you'll find out she was doing exactly that."
"Shay, thanks for being there today. I was glad you came. I'm not close to many people, but everything seems so natural between us, I feel like we've known each other forever."
She nodded. "Thank you for wanting me to come along. I was glad I went."
It occurred to me that since I'd spent most of my time in fleeting relationships where the physical connection was all that mattered, I'd never learned how to read what a woman was thinking, unless the thoughts were where to be touched or spanked or kissed. It was jackass of me to think that I was having any effect on Shay's life other than making her not have to worry as much about money. One thing was certain, she was having a huge effect on my life, and most of it had nothing to do with my insatiable sex drive.
Shay broke up the sandwich crust she was holding and looked out toward the water. Most of the seagulls were floating in the tide close to shore. She pulled off her sandals. "I think I'll go down there and surprise my feathered friends with some bread crust." She stood up and brushed off the sand before strolling down to the water.
There was less than a week left, and I still hadn't had my fill of her. Even if those erotic moments together had been virtual reality with no physical contact, I wanted more. I wanted to see her stretched out on my bed again, looking at me with glazed brown eyes as she reached orgasm. I had no idea how well my crazy ass plan had worked, but I knew one thing for damn sure—I hadn't thought about any other woman since Shay walked into my life.
"The water looks so clear," she called from the shore. "I'm going to brave the cold and wade in."
