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“She said Louisa made you both promise to keep it a secret.” He held her gaze. “Even before I spoke to Ines, I’d already realized it was just like something Louisa would do. We fought more about when to have kids than about anything else. I just couldn’t admit that even to myself. I couldn’t admit that she might have lied to me, so I took it out on you.” He let out a breath. “You were right. I was wrong to call you a liar.”
“I’m glad that someone corroborated my story for you.” Lizzie tried to stop her voice from wobbling. “But the fact that you didn’t believe me the first time is still sticking in my craw.”
“I get that.” He hesitated. “I was just so shocked, I hit out at the messenger. I’m sorry, Lizzie.” He got up and started moving restlessly around the room. “Louisa knew I’d mess up after she died. She tried to warn me about closing myself off to possibilities, and I didn’t want to hear it. I shut myself off. I was kind of happy in that safe place, because I still had my family, and that perfect image of Louisa, you know? And then you came along again, and . . . everything changed, everything shifted. I felt like a man trying to climb out of a steep-sided, gravel pit.”
He sighed. “And part of me wanted to stay down that hole where it was safe, and I didn’t have to risk anything. Where I could just hold on to the ideal of Louisa, and never get hurt like that again. Where I could hold my anger and resentment deep and let it fester.
“But Leanne came back, and everything I believed about her turned out to be wrong as well. And, even worse, my dad, a man who never lets the truth get in the way of his grievances, suddenly found a way to talk to the woman he ran off his ranch. That threw me for a new one, you know?”
Lizzie nodded warily.
“And you—beautiful, courageous, you. A woman who has more reason to hate me than anyone showed me how to love again. How to feel, and every so often, I’d get scared of it—of the emotions, of the sheer need to see you again. I’d try and retreat back to my hole in the ground where I felt safe, where Louisa was always twenty-one, and smiling at me.”
He grimaced. “But I can’t go back there, Lizzie, because if I do, I’m dying inside. I want to move forward, and yet how can I do that when I’ve destroyed your trust in me?”
She went to speak, and he held up his hand.
“Don’t try and sugarcoat it. You said it earlier. I chose not to believe you when you needed me to. I let you down.”
“But you’re talking to me now.” Lizzie finally found some words. “And what I’m sensing, is that you’ve done a lot of thinking about what you want.”
“Yeah.” He grimaced. “I’m trying.”
“And what you want is a relationship with me?” Lizzie barely managed to form the words, she was so afraid.
He nodded slowly.
“Even though you think you’ve blown it.”
“Like you said, I just wanted you to know where I was in my thinking.” He shrugged and looked down at the floor. “You don’t have to do anything about it. We can just be friends if that’s all you can deal with.”
Lizzie rose to her feet and crossed the rug that lay between them until she was staring down at his bent head.
“What if I chose to forgive you after all?”
He went absolutely still as she put her shaking hand on his rigid shoulder, and raised his head.
“Why would you when I’m the biggest screwup in Morgan Valley?”
“I think that honor goes to Ray Smith.” She smoothed her thumbs over his cheekbones and framed his face. “I like this new Adam Miller. The one who talks to me, and works things out.”
“And who loves you.” His gray gaze met hers, and she couldn’t look away. “Even if you choose to walk away from me right now, I’ll always do that.” He took a quick breath. “I can’t change what I did, but I swear to you that from now on I will always put you first, I will always listen to you, and I will never call you a liar ever again.”
Lizzie regarded him seriously. “If you ever do any of that again, I won’t be hanging around to discuss it. I’ll be kicking your ass out the door.”
