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* * *
Billy winced and eased Bella’s fingers out of his hair. He knelt up and looked at her, and his heart stuttered. She looked so beautiful lying there, flushed with the emotions he’d aroused in her. He wanted more; he wanted it all.
She sniffed and wiped at something on her cheek, which had him getting off the floor and sitting back on the couch.
“Are you okay, Bella? Did I hurt you?” Billy had to ask.
She scrambled to sit up, drawing her skirt down over her legs, and grabbed for her bra.
“No, it was lovely. It’s just that I didn’t expect to have all these feelings. . . .” She waved a helpless hand in his direction as she struggled into her bra and put her top back on.
“It’s okay,” Billy said gently. “I get it.”
“I feel so stupid.”
“There’s no reason to feel like that.” He wanted to give her a hug and tell her that everything would be okay, but he didn’t want to touch her and upset her again.
“I’ve had some relationships since Ron died, and even the occasional bit of sex, but this felt different.”
Billy wasn’t sure whether to be proud or worried about what she was going to say next.
“It’s okay,” he repeated. “How about we do this? You go through to the bathroom, and I’ll meet you back in the kitchen when you’ve freshened up. We can have coffee before I drive you home.”
Billy opened the door that led into the shared bathroom with the office next door and switched on the light. He currently needed a really cold shower, but that could wait until Bella was feeling okay.
He went through to the kitchen, buttoned up his shirt, and washed himself thoroughly in the sink. He didn’t dare tuck his shirt into his jeans again. Bella wasn’t the only one who was confused. He’d felt things he hadn’t experienced with any other woman other than his late wife. If Bella hadn’t said anything, he wondered whether he would’ve been the one to pull back.
He studied his face in the small mirror above the sink. Did he regret what he’d done? No, he couldn’t say that. He’d enjoyed every toe-curling minute. Was he simply too used up to open himself to the possibilities of a real relationship? This didn’t feel casual. It felt like a commitment, and as everyone who knew him was aware; Billy Morgan had the ability to betray everyone. Did Bella deserve that? Would she be a fool to take that chance even if he had the nerve to ask her?
Better maybe to be grateful that she had second thoughts, and leave things as they were....
* * *
Bella gasped as she looked at her flushed face and disheveled hair in the bathroom mirror. She looked like a very satisfied woman. Her whole body was humming with the sexual energy Billy had released in her, and yet she still felt like crying.
She washed her face and hands several times, and used her fingers to flatten down her hair, as she’d left her purse in the kitchen. Did she have the nerve to walk out there, smile at Billy, and pretend that nothing was wrong—that he hadn’t just given her one of the best sexual experiences of her life without even trying?
She touched her reddened cheeks. If she hadn’t cried, would he have carried on? How would it have felt to have Billy Morgan inside her? She was the one who’d encouraged him to kiss her and develop their relationship, and she was the one who’d lost her nerve. She had a sense that if she ever got naked and horizontal with Billy, she would no longer have the ability to deny that she cared for him very deeply.
“So much for a casual fling,” Bella sighed. “I’m obviously not cut out for that.”
She reluctantly left the bathroom and made her way back to the bright lights of the kitchen where Billy was busy cleaning away their meal. He glanced up as she entered and pointed at the coffeemaker.
“Help yourself. I’ll join you when I’ve finished up.”
Bella swallowed hard. “I could help if you like?”
“No, I’m good.” The smile he offered her was no different than usual, which kind of hurt. “I’m just stacking the dishwasher. How about you fix me some coffee while you’re getting yours? Cream’s in the refrigerator.”
Desperate for something to do with her hands, Bella complied, then sat at the countertop sipping her coffee while Billy worked. He didn’t look upset. Maybe he was fine about everything, and she was the only one who’d gotten things out of proportion.
