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After what felt like hours, she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. When Roman’s father had walked out, she’d promised herself to always face up to things even if they reflected badly on her. Was it possible that Adam was right? That some small part of her had wanted what her friend had?
“No.” Lizzie spoke the word aloud. “He’s wrong. That’s not how it was at all.”
She’d found him in the rain kneeling by Louisa’s grave, his father’s gun by his side, and persuaded him to take shelter with her. She’d held him and rocked him, and reassured him that everything would be okay, even when she knew that for him it never would be again. When he’d kissed her and pressed close, she’d invited him inside her, so full of grief that giving herself to him, sharing the moment, and reaffirming life had seemed somehow inevitable.
She hadn’t lured him into her arms; she’d tried to help him. Now that she was older, she might think that her twenty-year-old self had acted too emotionally and without considering the consequences, but at the time? She’d instinctively offered the most natural thing she had to give, and she wouldn’t regret that
But, because of that impulse, in the end, she’d lost not only Louisa, but Adam Miller, too.
* * *
Adam spent a restless night, berating himself yet again for what he’d done and said to Lizzie. Her face when he’d suggested she had a thing for him . . . The utter betrayal in her eyes had shaken him to his core and made him feel ashamed. He was so used to internalizing his grief for Louisa that letting it out, lashing out, had been a weird kind of relief. But hurting Lizzie . . . That was unacceptable.
Knowing he had to apologize, and aware that she’d probably never allow him in her apartment again, he considered how best to reach her. The café was probably his safest bet. She couldn’t walk out on him there, but it was also a public place. Maybe he deserved to be told off in front of the whole town.
He parked his truck near the post office and checked the ranch mailbox before going into Yvonne’s. There was no sign of Lizzie, but the owner was busy placing cakes and pastries in the glass-fronted cabinet.
“Hey.” Adam went right up to the counter. “Is Lizzie around?”
“She is, but she’s not in a very good mood today.” Yvonne studied him closely. “Is it possible you have something to do with that?”
“Yes.” He met her eyes. “I need five minutes to apologize to her.”
“Then good luck.” She waved him through to the kitchen. “If she doesn’t want to talk to you then you must leave immediately.”
“I will. I promise.”
Stiffening his spine, he went through into the immaculate kitchen where Lizzie was counting croissants into large boxes. She looked up as he came through the door, and all the emotion drained from her face. He could tell that she’d been crying, and his heart twisted with guilt.
He stopped just inside the door and took off his hat.
“Will you just let me apologize, and then I’ll leave you in peace?”
She glanced around at her coworkers who were all doing a terrible job pretending they weren’t listening, and nodded. She stalked to the back of the kitchen, head held high, and went out the back door into the sunshine.
Adam followed, making sure the door remained unlatched, and faced her.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that anything that happened between us that night was your fault.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Yes, you did.”
“I meant that I knew you liked me enough to feel sorry for me. I was the one who made the first move and took advantage of that. That’s totally on me.”
“I did have a crush on you, once. After you fell in love with Louisa I was happy that we were all still friends.”
“It was still my fault.” He rubbed a hand over his unshaven jaw. “Will you please forgive me? I really mean it.”
She regarded him for a long moment, her face expressionless. “Okay.”
He expected to feel relieved, but he didn’t. Everything in his world was changing, and the safe spaces he’d created for himself were disappearing faster than he could ever have imagined. “Are you sure?”
