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With every thrust, Growl seemed to rip a piece of me away. I wasn’t just losing my innocence, I seemed to be losing parts of me, of what had made me me.
Then stop him. Do it, as long as there’s still something left of you. My nails buried deeper into Growl’s arms and he grunted, eyes flashing with pleasure. He was enjoying it. And in turn my own body hummed with delight. He never slowed, never took his eyes off me. His muscled chest glistened with sweat. Pain gave way to something warmer, something that thrilled through my body more than any sting could. I drew my fingers up to Growl’s shoulders, scratching, leaving a red path in my way, and relishing in it, and in the droplets of blood that dotted the spot where I’d clung to him.
Growl began shaking and let out a groan before he dropped to the mattress beside me.
Red half-moon shaped marks littered his arms, proof of what had happened. Not proof of a struggle, of resistance, of a fight. Not proof of what should have been. I couldn’t draw consolation from those marks. They weren’t signs of my unwillingness, of a brave struggle against Growl’s taking of me. No, I’d let him conquer me, had relished it even. What was wrong with me? How could I have let it happen?
I could only imagine what Trish and Anastasia would say if they saw me now. They’d be shocked and disgusted, and they would talk about it for days. But they didn’t matter, not anymore.
But Mother and Talia did. And they would judge me just as well if they knew. How could they not? How could anyone not condemn me for what I’d allowed Growl to do?
‘Was this how losing myself feels?’. That question still ghosted around my brain, but now another question had been added to the mix, a question that scared me even more. ‘How could you lose yourself if you never had the chance to find yourself?’. I pushed the thought away, banished the myriad of thoughts crowding brain. I couldn’t take them anymore. Growl lay panting next to me. His face looked relaxed, blank, more so than ever before, as if through the carnal act of sex he’d managed to free himself, managed to banish whatever demons haunted him.
This wouldn’t be the last time. And I wasn’t horrified by the idea. Despite the soreness, and even pain that throbbed between my legs, I wanted it again. I allowed myself that moment of realization. The damage was done. I had nothing more to lose.
Growl sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. I jerked into a sitting position as well. Was he already leaving after what we’d just done?
Growl peered at me over his shoulder, and now his gaze on my naked skin didn’t make my body hum with delight and triumph. I drew the blankets up over my chest, clinging to the crisp fabric like I’d clung to Growl’s strong arms mere minutes before. I didn’t voice my questions, didn’t want to sound desperate and needy, especially when he was the last person I should need. For a moment we both seemed to be frozen but then I averted my eyes under the power of my own shame and Growl rose to his feet. From the corner of my eye, I watched him gather his clothes from the ground but he didn’t bother getting dressed. Instead he walked out and began to close the door but stopped. “There’s something for the pain in the bathroom.” He paused and I waited for him to say something else but then he just closed the door. I waited for his steps to fade away before I freed myself of the blankets and quickly slid out of bed. I couldn’t bear being in it now. It was clammy with our sweat, and it smelled of sex. I stared down at the white of the sheets. At the sight of the small pink spot I let out a shaky breath. Betrayal came in so many shapes and forms. Sometimes it was a purposeful act, and sometimes it was something you let happen.Growl
He took several long swigs of cold water. Even now his body seemed to boil with lust. His orgasm hadn’t diminished his desire for Cara one bit. Not because the sex hadn’t been satisfying, though that was true too. He’d had stronger orgasms, had had better sex, but whatever had happened between him and Cara had been the most intense thing he’d ever experienced. It didn’t even make sense.
She wasn’t someone that could sate his hunger, and she wasn’t someone he’d have usually chosen to still his desire, and yet right in this fucking second he couldn’t imagine being with any other woman. He wanted Cara, wanted to see if he could draw her out of her shell, make her more forward and demanding. He wanted to release her hunger. She tried to hide it but tonight he’d caught glimpses of it and he wanted more.
