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“Don’t,” he said quietly, warningly. His eyes were haunted as they fixed on me.
I wound out of his grip and put my hand back into my lap. “Why? It’s not like I haven’t touched your other scars.” And every inch of your body.
“Don’t,” he repeated in a voice that made me shiver. “Nobody is allowed.”
More questions lingered on the tip of my tongue but Growl didn’t give me a chance to voice any of them. He untangled himself from the blankets and got to his feet. “You should sleep.” He walked out without looking back. Sighing, I lied back down. I didn’t bother putting my nightgown back on. I was exhausted. Always exhausted. Worry kept me awake too many nights. I strained my ears, listening for Growl, and as usual I heard the creak of the backdoor and a few barks of the dogs before they fell silent again. Growl was a creature of habit. Maybe that was why the dogs were loyal to him. He gave them a hint of normalcy. I shook my head in the darkness. Normalcy. My life had always been a good cry away from normal, but now?Growl was more detached in the days that followed. I’d thought we’d finally made a true connection during our last conversation but now he was pulling away again. He didn’t want me close. And I wasn’t sure how to change that. If he didn’t trust me, how could I suggest that he’d help my mother and sister? What if he told Falcone everything? Then everything would be over. And yet part of me was sure that he wouldn’t tell Falcone anything they talked about. Growl kept things to himself. He was that kind of guy.
He didn’t even come to my bed at night anymore. He was really trying to stay away from me. Was he worried I’d get too close? Was that even a possibility with him?“Falcone agreed to let you visit your mother,” Growl said out of the blue while we were having coffee in silence one morning.
I almost dropped my cup. “Really? Why? Why now?”
“Apparently your mother is depressed and Falcone thinks that’s why the negotiations with New York are going badly. I told him it would be good for your mother to see you were alright, so she had something to fight for.”
I set down the cup on the counter and bridged the distance between us. I wrapped my arms around his middle and hugged him tightly, my cheeks pressed up against his chest. He tensed, then relaxed. We’d slept with each other several times, but this was the first we actually hugged. I realized he never kissed or touched me if it wasn’t meant to lead to sex.
“Thanks,” I said, then pulled away and took a few steps back.
He was watching me with an odd expression. Was there longing in his eyes?
God, why did he have to be so difficult to read?
“I will take you to her now on my way to work,” Growl said.
I couldn’t wait to see her again, but at the same time I was terrified of facing her after what I’d done in the last few weeks. I’d been sleeping with Growl, and not because he’d forced me, not even just because I hoped to gain his trust. I enjoyed it. There was no denying it. If my mother knew, she’d never look at me again.Pulling up in front of my old home felt strange. It didn’t feel like home anymore. Falcone and his men had ruined the place for me. My memory of the place I’d grown up in would forever be tainted with the blood and death of my father.
“I thought you’d be happy,” Growl said as he led me to the front door.
I’d thought I’d be happy, but I felt guilty and miserable and scared. I forced a smile, worried Growl might decide it was better not to let me visit my mother, if it made me sad. That was the last thing I wanted even if setting foot into my old home made my stomach turn. “I am happy, just nervous.”
Growl looked doubtful but he rang the bell anyway. It took a long time until finally one of our old bodyguards, Daryl, opened the door. So he was guarding my mother? Had he always been Falcone’s spy? Probably. There was no loyalty in this world. Even my father had betrayed his boss for whatever reasons. Not that I didn’t understand him.
He stepped back, an expression of caution on his face as he watched Growl. I felt a sick satisfaction at his discomfort. I wasn’t scared of Growl anymore.
Daryl gave me a nod but I ignored him and quickly walked past him into the lobby. It was quiet in the house. Such a vast difference to the last time I’d been here.
