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He nodded, but I could detect a hint of uncertainty.
“What about Bandit and Coco? You said it yourself, they need a yard. Will they get used to this?”
Growl brushed a strand of hair from my shoulder. “I’m away on business most of the time. I can take them with me. I’m often out in nature where they can run. And I won’t sell the house, so we can return there if we don’t want to stay here.”
I doubted that I’d ever want to return to Growl’s house. It wasn’t even because it was small and in a bad neighborhood. The place was filled with too much desolation; it seemed burnt into the walls and floors. There was no escaping it.
“I’d love to live here,” I admitted eventually. And I really did.
“We might not be living here for very long though. After we’re done with Falcone, we have to leave Las Vegas.”
I knew that, and after everything that had happened to me here, I wasn’t sad to leave my home town. I wanted a new start. With Growl? A sharp voice inquired in my head. And part of me, wanted to say yes.
“I know, but even a few weeks or just days are good. I love seeing the horizon,” I said. I peered up at him. There was a soft edge to his expression, and I couldn’t help it. I’d never wanted him more than in that moment. I wasn’t sure if this was still part of the plan, if my actions toward Growl were still only intended to get him on my side, to reach my goal of revenge and safety for my family. I stood on my tiptoes, grabbed him by the neck and pulled him down to me for a deep kiss. He immediately responded. I pressed up against him and he grabbed my butt with one hand, squeezing. I started pulling at his clothes, and soon we were both naked, our hands roaming every inch of uncovered skin. My body was aflame with need. Growl lifted me up and pressed my back against the window. I let out a surprised laugh. “Here?” I asked. He nudged my entrance with his length.
“It’s a nice view,” Growl said dryly.
I kissed him hard, and he pushed into me at the same time, making me gasp into his mouth. My back rubbed over the window as Growl pounded into me. And then we both came at the same time. Growl sank to his knees with me still wrapped around him. We both panted. Her eyes sought out the strip and the neighboring skyscrapers. “Is this reflecting coating?”
Growl shook his head. “I don’t think so.”
I leaned against the glass. “So someone could have watched us?”
“Do you care?”
“No,” I said. And it was true. A few weeks ago, this would have been impossible, but so much had happened since then that the idea of someone seeing me having sex wasn’t something that could ruin my day. Far from it.CHAPTER TWENTY-TWOCara
“Why are you always leaving after we sleep with each other?” I tried to sound merely curious but a hint of vulnerability slipped through.
“I can’t sleep with someone else in bed,” he said. “I never even thought I could share a house…” He glanced around our new surroundings. “…or apartment with anyone.”
“Why?” I doubted he was worried that I’d kill him.
“I just can’t. I prefer being alone, preferred being alone.”
“Not anymore?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t sleep very well. And if someone would be in bed with me, it would be worse,” Growl said instead of answering my question.
“Maybe you just need to get used to it. Maybe it takes time. You’ve been alone for a long time.”
“Forever,” he murmured. “I’ve been alone forever. Even when my mother was still alive, she worked a lot, especially at night,” was his simple reply. “And after she was killed and I loved with Bud, I was glad to be alone. Being alone meant no pain. That was good.”
My heart clenched for him. So much horror in his past. I didn’t know if I, if anything could ever compete with that, ever win against the shadows of his past.
“Humans aren’t meant to be alone. We need someone. It’s in our nature. We need to be touched. We need to talk to someone. To have someone to trust. Otherwise we become…”
“Like me,” Growl rasped. “I’m better off alone. I’m meant to be alone.”
I stared at his tattoos, the ridges of his scars, his hard eyes. “Perhaps you’re right.”
Even if I didn’t want to accept it, Growl might be one of the people who couldn’t be with others for long.
I didn’t try to stop him this time when he pushed up. My eyes followed the line of muscles from his broad shoulders down to his firm butt. My cheeks didn’t heat anymore, but the fire the pit of my stomach ignited once more at the sight. I’d never felt anything like it before. I’d had crushes, had felt butterflies, but this was something else, something stronger and darker. I desired him, perhaps even…loved him. I couldn’t be sure. Not now, not when my life was in upheaval and choices weren’t my own. Could love be born out of captivity? Wasn’t it something that could only thrive in freedom?
