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“Understood.” I moved closer to him and put my hand against his chest. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this.”
“I promised. I will do this for you, and perhaps then you can forgive me.”
“Forgive you,” I whispered. But he silenced me with a kiss and led me into the bedroom.Growl’s eyes were closed. He wasn’t asleep though. Not that I knew how he looked when he was actually asleep since he never let me be anywhere close when he was that vulnerable. But whenever he got this close to sleep, he’d send me away or he’d leave if he was in my bedroom. I scooted to the edge of the bed and untangled myself from the blankets. I’d stayed for far too long already. My eyes were growing heavy. I didn’t want to be woken and sent away by Growl later. It was easier this way, when going away seemed like her choice and not a result of his incapability or unwillingness to share a bed with me, to give me more closeness than was absolutely necessary. It was ridiculous how this small semblance of choice made me feel better.
Her feet hit the cold floor and a familiar shiver raced down her spine. This time I didn’t allow herself to perch on the edge of the bed. I stood. I hadn’t even moved away a single step when a strong palm wrapped around her wrist. “Stay,” came the rough command.
I froze, my gaze darting toward Growl. He was still sprawled out on the bed, his eyes still closed. Nothing in his demeanor had changed, and if it wasn’t for his hand holding onto me tight, I’d have convinced herself that I’d imagined the word.
I didn’t dwell on the fact why he’d changed his mind. I slipped back under the covers and only when I lay beside him, did Growl let go of my wrist. “Why?” I asked softly. He stayed on his back, didn’t reach for me, and I didn’t try to snuggle up to him. It would have been too much. This, inviting me to stay the night, was already a huge step, I knew that. “Don’t ask,” he rumbled.
Growl extinguished the lights and darkness fell over us. I hardly dared to breath, much less move, acutely aware that Growl was probably listening to her every sound. Was I intruding? Was he already regretting that one word?
I pushed the thoughts away. And then when I least expected it, Growl put his hand against my back. A light touch but enough. Another step in the right direction. The sound of his unchanging breathing in the background and the feel of his palm lightly touching my back, I slowly drifted away.Chapter Twenty-ThreeCara
That night I was woken twice by nightmares. Not my own though. Growl was writhing and panting in his sleep. I hadn’t dared waking him. I had a feeling that he wouldn’t like it that I knew of his troubles.
It was strange seeing him distressed, his face twisted with agony. I’d never considered that something could bother him so much. Perhaps he was even more human than I thought.
He wasn’t in bed when I woke but I found him in the kitchen leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee as usual. Even now that we had a kitchen table in the penthouse, he still preferred to stand.
Coco and Bandit were sitting by his side, staring up at him with adoring eyes.
“Morning,” I said.
Growl filled a cup and handed it to me. I smiled and briefly touched his forearm in thanks. He didn’t move away and his gaze gave me pause. I drank my coffee and gave him the time he needed to say what he wanted.
“I have a request,” Growl said quietly.
“Okay.” What could I possibly do for him?
He peered down at Coco and Bandit. “Will you take care of my dogs in case anything happens to me?”
I frowned. “Nothing will happen to you. We’ll all go to New York together.”
“You should be looking forward to the prospect of my death,” he rasped. “I’m sure you’ve wished for it often.
I should hope for it, and in the beginning I had. I had even tried to kill him myself after all. Soon we’d risk our lives. Perhaps this was the last time we’d be together. It was strange to think about it. Even stranger that I was sad about it. I scanned his face. I was no longer scared of him, and I did no longer wish for him to die.
I reached out very slowly and traced the scar around his neck. Growl stilled but he didn’t stop me. Surprise washed over me. It felt like a miracle that he let me do it. And deep down I was suddenly afraid. Afraid of my emotions and what the future held for me.
