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I pointed toward the door at the end of the corridor, my parents’ bedroom. He released me and handed me over to Matteo, my other cousin. I wasn’t sure what was going on. Why were they here in the middle of the night?
Matteo began to lead me away when my mother stepped out of the bedroom. Her terrified eyes landed on me a moment before she jerked and fell to the ground.
Luca threw himself to the ground as a bullet hit the wall behind him. Matteo shoved me away and darted forward, but another man gripped me in an unrelenting hold. My gaze froze on my mother, who stared at me with lifeless eyes.
Only Father had been in the bedroom with her, and he had killed her.
Dead. Just like that. One tiny bullet and she was gone.
I was dragged downstairs and out of the house, pushed into the backseat of a car. Then I was alone with the sound of my shallow breathing. I wrapped my arms around my chest, wincing as my fingers touched the bruises on my upper arms caused by my father’s outburst this morning. I began rocking back and forth, humming a melody my piano teacher had taught me a few weeks ago. It was getting cold in the car, but I didn’t mind. The cold felt good, soothing.
Someone opened the door, and I shied away in fear, pulling my legs up to my chest. Luca poked his head in. There was blood on his throat. Not much but I couldn’t look away. Blood. My father’s?
“How old are you?” he asked.
I didn’t say anything.
“Twelve?”
I tensed, and he closed the door and sat in the front beside his brother, Matteo. They assured me I was safe. Safe? I had never felt safe. Mother always said the only safety in our world was death. She found it.
My cousins took me to an older woman called Marianna, whom I’d never met before. She was kind and loving, but I couldn’t stay with her. As honor dictated, I had to stay with family, so I was sent to Baltimore to live with my Aunt Egidia and her husband, Felix, who was Underboss in the city like my father had been Underboss in Atlanta.
I had met her only during family festivities because she and my father hated each other. Luca took me to them a couple of days after my mother’s funeral. I was silent beside him, and he didn’t try to make conversation. He looked angry and tense.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered when we came to a stop in front of a large villa in Baltimore. Over the years, I’d learned to apologize even if I didn’t know what I’d done wrong.
Luca frowned at me. “What for?”
“For what my father did.” Honor and loyalty were the most important things in our world, and Father had broken his oath and betrayed Luca.
“That’s not your fault, so it’s nothing you should apologize for,” he said, and for a little while I believed it to be true. Until I saw Aunt Egidia’s disapproving face and heard Felix say to Luca that it would reflect badly on them if they took me in. Luca wouldn’t hear it, so I stayed with them, and eventually they learned to tolerate me, and yet not a day passed when I wasn’t acutely aware that I was seen as a traitor’s daughter. I didn’t blame them. From a young age, I’d learned that there was no greater crime than betrayal. Father had tainted our family name, had tainted my brothers and me, and we’d always carry the blemish. My brothers, at least, could try to make a name for themselves if they became brave Made Men, but I was a girl. All I could hope for was mercy.
Today
Being regarded as a traitor’s daughter, facing the pitying or disgusted expressions wasn’t the worst part about these gatherings. Not even close. He was. He caught my eyes from across the room, and his face held the knowledge of what he had done, the triumph over what he had taken. He stood beside my aunt—his wife—beside his children—my cousins—and was regarded with respect. His eyes on me made my skin crawl. He didn’t approach me, but his leering was enough. His gaze was just like his touch; it was humiliation and pain, and I could not stand it. Cold sweat covered my skin, and my stomach churned. I turned around and hurried toward the women’s restroom. I’d hide there for the rest of the night, until it was time to leave with my Aunt Egidia and Uncle Felix.
I splashed my face with water, ignoring the minimal makeup I wore. Luckily it was waterproof mascara and a hint of concealer to cover the shadows under my eyes, so I didn’t do much damage. I needed the cold of the water to help me get a grip on my rising panic.
