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I rummaged through the magazines, trying not to mess them up.
Time.
Rolling Stone.
National Geographic.
Wired.
The Economist.
The Atlantic.
Harper’s.
There wasn’t one single fluffy women’s magazine in the bunch. “Oh, my God.” I let out a silly giggle that I’d never heard come from my lips before. I couldn’t believe that Eli had actually taken my advice on reading material in his waiting room.
“What’s the matter?” Alice asked.
“Not a thing,” I answered with a smile on my face. “Is Eli already in?”
She nodded. “He just got in a few minutes ago.”
I juggled my boxes and moved forward, not arguing when Alice got up to open his office door for me.
“Good morning,” I said to Eli as I carried the boxes to his desk.
“You could have called me down to help you,” he grumbled as he stood up. “And it is a good morning now.”
Just like I’d been doing for the last two weeks, I pretty much ignored his compliment, and wondered how much longer I could play the good intern.
I’d put myself in a dangerous situation by accepting the relationship. But I wasn’t sure if I could keep pretending that I wasn’t crazy in love with the CEO.
Eli had retreated to wash his hands, and I took the food out of its protective container.
I bent and stretched across the desk to put Eli’s stuff on his side of the desk.
I squeaked as a strong body slammed into me from the back. Eli covered my hands with his, his front plastered against my back as he growled, “If you bend over my desk one more fucking time, I’m not responsible for what happens after that.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Unfortunately, all I could smell was Eli’s masculine scent.
“Does it bother you?” I asked.
I wasn’t about to shy away from him. My whole objective had been to get him to notice me and realize that he cared. Lately, I’d come to the conclusion that I was just like one of the pathetic women in the magazines who wants to catch a man she can’t have, and who doesn’t want her.
“Hell, yes, it bothers me,” he said in a husky voice next to my ear. “You bother me, Butterfly. Do you know how damn hard it’s been not to bend you over my desk and make my dick happier than it’s ever been? You have the most gorgeous ass I’ve ever seen.”
Everything inside me wanted to give in, but as I contemplated how I’d feel later if I let him fuck me, my stomach got tied up in knots.
I wanted him desperately.
But I knew I deserved more.
“Let go,” I requested as I pushed back against his chest. “I don’t want this, Eli.”
He backed away immediately.
“I can’t do this anymore,” I told him as I turned to get my purse. “I have to go.”
Even though my heart was breaking, I knew I needed to finally find the strength to walk away.
It wasn’t fair to ask him to change, and I’d known the arrangement going in . . . sex only, with no commitments.
It wasn’t his fault that I needed more.
“Jade, wait. We need to talk. Listen to me—”
“No,” I interrupted. “You listen to me.”
I was done playing games. But I wasn’t leaving until he heard everything I needed to say. “I played your silly cat-and-mouse game in the beginning because I wanted to get to know you. I have no problem admitting that I also wanted to end up in your bed because I was so damn attracted to you. But I ran into a problem somewhere along the way.” I took a deep breath and looked at him as I continued. “I ended up wanting more, Eli. Even though you made it pretty clear that you didn’t. This isn’t really your fault. You were honest. It was me who fell in love with you. I didn’t want to, but it happened. I should have gotten the message when I didn’t hear from you after we slept together. And it definitely should have sunk in when you texted me about how you felt. But I wasn’t sure if you needed time to sort through everything that happened with your brother. Or if you didn’t call me because you were so sick. I foolishly thought that you might eventually realize that you loved me, too. But you didn’t. So I have to move on. Empty sex isn’t going to ever be enough for me. I’m not made that way. I’m sorry.”
“It was never empty, Jade,” I heard him say as I moved like lightning toward the door.
I didn’t answer. I couldn’t. I had to leave before I ended up making a bigger fool out of myself.
I pulled out my cell phone as I moved down the hallway as fast as my high-heeled shoes would take me.
“Huge tip if you get my BMW to the front door before I get down the elevator and outside,” I said to the valet on my cell.
“I’m on it,” the valet answered.
I jumped into an open lift and pushed the button for the lobby, thankful that nobody else had entered the same one.
I let my head fall back as I rode down, trying unsuccessfully to hold back the tears that desperately wanted to escape from my eyes.
“You can do this, Jade. You can do this,” I whispered to myself.
Maybe I would have lasted another week if Eli hadn’t touched me. But what good would it have done? I couldn’t make him love me, and I loved him so much that I couldn’t take the pain of being close to him every single day and not want more.
When the elevator opened, I strode across the marble floors, my heels clicking wildly as I made my way outside.
My BMW was just pulling up to the curb.
“Hey, Mr. Stone said to hold up,” a second valet called from near the building.
The guy who jumped out of my car hesitated, but I pushed several twenties into his hand as I said, “Mr. Stone doesn’t always get everything he wants.”
I hopped into my car and left, and I finally had the very ugly cry I’d been holding back. It lasted all the way to Citrus Beach.
CHAPTER 28
JADE
I found out later that day that I had gotten an interview for my dream job as a researcher/scientist in San Diego, so I knew I had to pull my shit back together.
It was Friday, and I had to be coherent by Monday.
Maybe I should have called Skye or Brooke, but I didn’t want to do much of anything except lie on my couch and devour as much ice cream as possible.
My food drug of choice was Stephen Colbert’s AmeriCone Dream that was made by Ben & Jerry’s. And I was well stocked. Besides the carton I had in my hand, there were four more in the freezer.
I dug my spoon into the caramel and chocolate-covered-ice-cream-cone mixture and shoved it into my mouth before I picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels.
Yeah, I realized that I couldn’t sit and eat Ben & Jerry’s every night, but I needed some time to get my head together.
Maybe approaching Eli to follow through on his offer to act as an intern hadn’t been a good idea, but I didn’t regret it. I’d learned a lot, and those few weeks had helped me gain some confidence in a world I knew nothing about.
I also didn’t regret the new wardrobe. I’d need it if I was going to start interviewing.
The makeover had boosted my confidence, and I finally felt okay in my own skin.
