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Placing the gun beside me, I took a deep breath, and glanced once again at Ethan.
He’s okay. You’re okay. Everything is okay.
It felt like ages before I relaxed again. Resting against the wall, Liam looked down at me, with anger, worry, and confusion written in his eyes.
“What was that?” he asked me, and for the first time, I took a good look at him. He must have just taken a shower because his hair was still wet. He wore nothing but black silk pajama bottoms. I swear he must have worked out every second in jail. Every one of his muscles, from the six-pack of his abs to the muscle of his arms, were tightened up and flawless. He looked like a gladiator, and I was the lion he was trying to slay.
Stop staring.
“I’m no psychologist, but I’d have say that that would be a side effect from the last five months,” I replied as I pulled my knee to my chest.
He looked over at Ethan. “Should I take him out of the room?”
“I don’t know. Would you like to keep your arms?” Because if he tried to take my son away from me, he may just lose all his limbs.
“If I have to lose them to keep him safe, I would do it,” he said as he brushed Ethan’s hair back.
“Safe from me?”
“Yes, you. You hurt people. The only person you care about is yourself.”
He was starting to piss me off.
“You know, I was in this room when you called,” he whispered. “He was so small, I swear he only took up the space between my wrist and palm. He was so calm…so sleepy. I wanted him to have the world, but most of all, I wanted him to have his mother. I thought it was my fault—that Aviela had gotten to you because of me. Then you had to fucking call and tell me you needed time. The rational part of me knew that something must have happened. But, Melody, for the life of me I cannot understand what in the hell it was that you couldn’t come to me with? Am I that incompetent that you couldn’t trust me? Couldn’t tell me the truth?”
“I was strung out on enough coke to kill a parade of elephants,” I answered, cutting him off before he could insult himself and me any further. I refused to be his emotional punching bag.
His entire body turned to me. “Wh…What?”
With a sigh, I closed my eyes. I was only going to tell this story once, he needed to know, no one else.
“I was doped up with coke three times day and it wasn’t the low quality stuff, it was the best of the best…ours, courtesy of Aviela and Nelson, the flight attendant on my jet. You know, what I remember the most was the feeling. My heart felt like it was constantly trying to pound a hole through my chest. Escaping, killing Aviela, it was all a blur. But I also remember the phone call, I had walked five miles in the snow covered hills of Friuli to make that call. Every word of it was the clearest moment in my mind. Listening to Ethan breathe through the phone, I swore that I would not allow my son to see me like that. I couldn’t come home because I physically Could. Not. Come. Home. Somehow I ended up in an abandoned cabin. And the moment I thought I was safe, I passed out for two straight days. But that was the easy part.” I sighed, keeping my eyes closed. I didn’t want to see him.
“I won’t go into the effects of my withdrawals, I’m sure you can imagine. It took me four weeks, two days, and nine hours to reign myself in. No contact. No news. Just cold baths, training, potatoes and water.
“I didn’t even know you were in jail. In fact, it was only when Avian sent his first agent, Roger Kane, after me that I realized what was going on. He caught me by surprise while I was in the bath. One moment I was thinking of how to get home, and the next, his hands were holding me under. There was no way I was going to fight him and win. When he thought I was dead, I came up for air and returned the favor with a cord around his neck. When he woke up, I made him talk.
“Avian wanted you in jail and he needed me dead. We have our men, he has his agents. They all think that they’re serving their country. They belong to the White List…a group of FBI and CIA agents hidden in plain view. They are willing to do anything and everything it takes. Our tax dollars at work. After Roger, Kim, Beatrice, Adam, Dillon, and then Tom followed. They hunted me across Europe. But Beatrice, she came prepared. She had somehow gotten one of Ethan’s pacifiers.” My head felt like it was on fire thinking though it all. Remembering how I’d bashed her face in during our encounter in Belgium. I’d waited until she gained consciousness before forcing gasoline down her throat. Then I set her on fire. My son was off limits.
“I couldn’t come back until I knew it was safe. I had reasonable explanations on where I was. I checked only when I could, knowing full well that Avian was waiting to find out where I was.
“My life went from The Godfather to Jason Bourne; from the hunter to the hunted. I wish I could have been in jail. So if you’re looking for an apology, pull it out of your ass, you son of bitch. I will not let you, or your fucking family, try to tear me down when I myself am barely holding on.”
He was sitting on the opposite side of the room, and hadn’t said a word. Finally he spoke. “So I was right. You did think that I was incompetent. You truly believed you couldn’t trust me. Thank you for your answer,” he replied softly as if everything I said didn’t even touch him.
Was he fucking kidding me right now?
“Did you hear me? I didn’t just run—”
“I heard you, Melody. I always hear you,” he said, still calm and it was driving insane. “When the shit hit the fan, you did it all on your own.”
“Because I was on my own!” I hissed.
“Because you chose to be, Melody. I get what you’re saying. You were left out alone, and instead of working with me, your husband, you decided that you were going to do it on your own. You’ve once again proved that you need no one. You are the strongest. You are a survivor.”
“And I’m damn proud of it.”
He smirked sadly, but it was half-assed. “I’ve never thought otherwise. You’ve been trying to prove how strong you are since the first day I met you. But what you did to me wasn’t strong. Relying on me, on us, that would have been strong. Instead you left an ocean between us, all because you didn’t want me to see you weak. Instead, you let Avian get into your head and you faced his people alone, you suffered alone. That is what he wanted, and you gave it to him. You didn’t trust me enough to believe I would have your back. So, Melody what do you want me to say to you? Thank you? I love you and I’m glad you’re alive, but other than that, it’s taking every ounce of restraint I have to not rip into you.”
“I did what I thought was best.”
“You did what you thought was best and it wasn’t. We were a team and you went rouge.”
Even with how calm he was, I felt like he was gutting me. “The contract says—”
“The contract? We’re going back to the contract?
“In it, did it not say we made plans together? I think you even added that part. First, your mother, now, your grandfather. Orlando sure made the fine print extra small,” he replied, as he pinched the bridge of his nose.
“Be thankful. As if your family could have made it with me as an enemy. You were all dying slowly and you know it—”
