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But I still felt strange about it.
I knew I didn't exactly scream "badass self-defense instructor" when you saw me. And I still had a lot of work to do on being vocally commanding. But training had toughened me, raised me up, given me back parts of myself I hadn't realized I had lost along the lines. Maybe as early as childhood in a society that told me I was supposed to be good, soft, quiet, undemanding, and passive.
Weaker.
But I wasn't weak anymore.
"That's fucking awesome," Duke said automatically, not so much as a hesitation, like it never even occurred to him that I wasn't capable.
God.
God.
I had never, aside from my grandmother, had someone in my life who simply believed in me.
It might have been the best feeling in the world.
My heart squeezed again.
There was no denying it anymore.
I wasn't teetering on the edge anymore.
Somewhere between seeing him in the storage container and realizing how much faith he had in me, I had fallen.
It was that fast.
That simple.
That uncontrollable.
And, somehow, it wasn't scary.
It just felt right.
I wasn't stupid; I knew it wasn't always going to be easy. I knew that our relationship, starting so crazy and fast, was bound to go through growing pains. We would have to find our groove, our normal in the midst of a crazy lifestyle. But somehow, I wasn't afraid of it. We would figure it out. We had nothing but time.
I hoped.
That was still not guaranteed.
Even with the weeks in between, it seemed that no one was any closer to finding the people responsible for completely decimating The Henchmen numbers. But there was one thing that was for sure, that everyone was in agreement with- it wasn't over.
No way had someone done one shootout, a drive-by, and a complicated infiltration of the compound to only take out the lower men on the totem pole.
Reign was a prime target.
So was Cash.
And Repo.
And Renny.
And, I thought with a gut-punch sensation, Duke.
They wouldn't stop until there was no one left that could rise up and take control of the operation. Someone wanted the arms trade and they would take out every bit of competition to take it over.
"Stiffened up on me," Duke said, hand moving softly up and down my spine. "What's the matter?"
"Nothing," I said, shaking my head and trying to shake the dark mood.
"Don't lie."
I exhaled hard. "I don't think it's safe for you to come here again."
"Worried about me," he said, sounding pleased with the idea.
"Of course I'm worried about you," I said, pushing up on his chest to look down at him.
He reached up immediately to tuck my hair behind my ears, running a finger down my jaw to my chin before falling away. "Once you see the compound, you'll see why you don't need to worry."
"But that only means you're safe at the compound."
"Wouldn't keep you here if it wasn't safe for us here too."
"Right, but there is a big, high hill and a long, long road between here and there."
His lips curled upward. "Reign and Lo tracked down some bullet-resistant SUVs, babe. So far, there's only one. So when I, or any of the guys, are here, no one else can do anything. The others are coming. But I'm as safe as it is possible to be on that long, long road with the big, high hill."
A small amount of relief coursed through me at that information. Even though I knew bullet-resistant did not mean bullet-proof. But he was right; it was as safe as you could get.
"How much longer until the compound is finished?"
"Got a fucking shitton of people working on it day and night. I'd say we maybe have another week."
"Maybe, just to be safe, you should just stay there until it's done though."
His smile went warm, the skin beside his eyes crinkling. "I like that you worry about me, Pen. But there's no way after tonight that I'm going to be able to stay away like I have been. Even if I just get an hour to myself, I am spending it here with you. Maybe your stomach will be twisted up while you wait for me, but I can take your mind off of it as soon as I get here," he said, eyes wicked, as his hands moved down my back to squeeze my ass.
"You know, it's usually not the guy using sex for a bargaining chip."
"Gotta shake up those gender norms," he shot back, his hand sliding lower then... inward.
"Nuh-uh," I said, laughing as I put my forehead to his chest. "I can't."
"I bet you can," he countered, fingers tracing my lips and damn if I didn't feel a fizzle of desire building. "Don't worry. I'll give it to you slow and deep and easy," he said, rolling us back onto our sides, reaching down to cock my leg over his hip as he reached to the nightstand drawer where he pulled out a box of condoms.
