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"Everything went to shit," Roderick admitted. "Cam and I took cover to try to take some of them out."
"And Liv?" Reign asked, somehow sounding more concerned about me - this woman he had never met - than Roderick. Maybe simply because he knew my fate could be worse than that of his man.
"We couldn't get eyes on her until her other colleague came in and took a bunch of the fuck's men out. We got eyes on Liv again." He paused for a long moment there, looking out the window. "It was bad," he added. "Pretty fucking bad."
"You take him out?"
"Yes."
Reign paused a moment. "Good. She alright?"
"Yeah, full recovery. Just some bruises still."
"Small blessing," Reign mumbled. "Look, Roderick. I think we should just... let this drop."
"What?" Roderick asked, voice tense.
"This has gone on far enough. People are getting hurt. It's just one fuckin' client. We can spare him. Besides, your mom will drag herself down to the compound and box my fuckin' ears if I don't have you home for Christmas. Wrap it up. Pack your shit. Head back. You did your best. We will just let it drop."
My heart sank down into my stomach as I moved back a step, not wanting him to turn, to see the look of genuine pain that must have been on my face because I felt it all through my chest, my stomach, hell it felt like it spread from my center outward until it took over me completely as I heard Roderick's reply to his boss.
"Okay. I'll be back by tomorrow."
Tomorrow.
I was cognizant of my emptiness then, realizing how badly I had screwed up in giving him so much.
I backtracked myself into my bedroom, closing the door without a click, going to my closet to get dressed. And not just in pants and a tee I yanked over my naked body to be presentable when we went into the common space. No. Complete with a bra, panties, and goddamn socks for chrissakes. Like if I piled enough on, no one would know how empty I was.
"Livvy," Roderick's voice called from the doorway.
It took everything I had not to stiffen as I turned, pulling my shirt fully into place.
"I figured it was time to get dressed," I bullshitted, shrugging it off.
"I know you heard," he told me, leaning against the doorjamb, shaking his head a bit.
I didn't see any reason to deny it. He would know if I was lying anyway. "I heard," I agreed, nodding. "We're... off the hook," I said, trying to keep my tone casual.
"Livvy..."
"It's good. You will get to be with your family for Christmas. They would miss you if you weren't there."
"Liv..."
"And it didn't sound like your boss was mad, so everything can just... go back to normal."
I was trying to force myself to believe that as well.
They would.
Could.
Had to.
Maybe it was good it was the holidays. Astrid and I would get busy with baking, cooking, wrapping, shopping, binging cheesy made-for-TV Christmas specials.
Then we would be busy taking everything down for New Years.
Then, well, we would have to get back to work. We had a lot of lost money to make up.
It would all fall away, this little piece of paradise I had gotten to know. With time. If I got and kept busy enough. I could forget it. Bury it under other things.
"Come on, Livvy. We should talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about really. We had a good time. We both knew it was temporary. And now it is time for things to go back to how they were. You can't leave until Astrid gets back though," I told him, happy to change the topic to her goodbyes instead of my own. "She will want to say something wildly inappropriate for you to remember her by."
"Seriously, Livvy..."
"It's fine, Roderick. I'm a grown woman. I knew what I was getting into here. You don't need to pat me on the head and tell me everything is going to be fine. Do you need some help repacking?"
He watched me for a long moment, eyes boring in, but in the end, he shook his head, turned, said nothing as he went about packing all his things.
By noon, he had given the news to Astrid and Cam, both of whom who looked over at me, trying to gauge my reaction. But I gave them nothing. I gave Roderick nothing either.
It was hard enough bearing the ache of it myself.
I didn't need to share it with him, have him possibly make it worse.
Better to let it just... be.
Let it be.
"I'm sorry for all the trouble," I told him, giving him a smirk I didn't feel, not particularly caring if he knew it was fake.
His head ducked a bit, his voice going low when he spoke so no one but the two of us could hear him.
