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"Okay," I agreed.
"Okay?"
"Yeah. I'll go."
"Tonight," she specified.
"Yes, tonight."
"After you shower. Do your lady-scaping."
I snorted at that, shaking my head.
"Yes, all that. Now go."
Alone, I turned on the water, stripping out of my clothes, not entirely sure how I felt, or how I was supposed to feel.
Overwhelmed covered it.
Not just because of the unexpected road trip.
But because of Cam, because he could speak even if it was uncomfortable for him. Because of the fact that when Astrid had needed him most, he had forced away his own issues, and had done what he thought she needed. Because he had gone out of his way - and it was way out of his way since neither me nor Astrid had been able to do it - to track down the gun, go get it for me. Because he wanted me to go see Roderick.
Because he - and Astrid - had seen that he had given me a hint of something I had never known before.
Real happiness.
Comfort.
Maybe even the hints, the very new first twinges of something akin to love.
And they wanted me to know more of it if that was possible.
Even, as Astrid had suggested, it meant we had to retire, get new gigs.
But that was getting ahead of ourselves.
I showered, dressed, took my bag from Astrid, took the keys from Cam, tucked the gun back into the box, told my people I loved them.
Then set my sights on Navesink Bank.ELEVENRoderickChristmas was Christmas.
Which meant that it didn't matter if you were feeling shitty, you plastered a smile on your face, you put on the goddamn Santa hat when your sister handed it to you, and you pretended.
Because that was just what you did.
And, make no mistake, I felt shitty.
And not just because of the relentless, inventive, taste-of-my-own-medicine type ragging I had been taking from the guys since the moment I walked in the door.
Fucking Pagan even took the opportunity to really dig in while he pulled my stitches out.
There was no escaping it.
But that was what I had been expecting. Especially now that I came back with only two of the guns we needed.
In fact, it had nothing at all to do with the men.
No.
It had everything to do with the woman I had walked away from. Without a fight.
Sure, I had my orders from Reign. And, yeah, my mother would have raised all kinds of hell if I didn't make it home for Christmas, but I had made the choice to leave. Even with business unfinished. Even with far too much unsaid between us.
She'd pushed though.
I had used that as a justification.
She had practically pushed me out the door.
Not because she'd wanted me to leave.
I knew that like I knew it was going to hurt to go.
She'd just been trying to make it easier to let me go, despite the fact that we both knew something had happened between us, something that neither of us had experienced before.
I'd known a lot of women in my life. I wasn't ashamed of that, that I had enjoyed the company of what was likely more than my fair share of the fairer sex. Some I had just spent the night with, others a weekend, others still were casual buddies who called up when they needed some no-strings-attached fun for which I was happy to oblige them.
Not every woman in my life was transient. I had spent time with some of them before.
But not a single one got to me the way Liv had. And almost from the jump. It was more than simple attraction - hormones and chemicals, familiar friends of mine.
It was deeper.
Because we had delved deeper; we had given each other all the ugly details of our lives. We had lived and worked side-by-side, gotten to know each other's rhythms, likes and dislikes, good and bad habits.
We'd - essentially - been in a mini relationship. And then it had been ripped away before we got a chance to explore it.
All I had been able to think about since walking out of that loft was her. Her absence was all around me. I couldn't walk around the compound without running into a happy couple. Only Roan and Virgin were single. And Roan was usually off in the glass room. As for Virgin, well, since Sugar shacked up with Peyton, he had spent more of his time out on the town or in his room.
So it very much felt like I was on my own around the holidays with happy couples all around me.
I couldn't help but think how well Liv would fit in with the girls club, how she would be able to trade barbs with the guys. I imagined her in my bed, her scent on my sheets, being able to come back to her after a long drop. Or maybe even being able to bring her with me since she was in the profession as well.
