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"Peyton is picking."
"Not even gonna fuckin' ease her into it, huh?" Reign asked, giving me a head shake. "Go on. Have fun. I'll make sure the mutts get taken out. Did you bring the rest of the zoo over?" Reign asked, looking at Rey.
"Just the dogs this time. I'm still really sorry about the TV," she added, shaking her head.
"The guys wanted a new one anyway. Don't worry about it, babe," he said, moving over toward the kitchen.
"What happened to the TV?" I asked, brows drawn down.
"Charlie - my cockatoo - ah, broke it."
"How does a bird break a TV?" I asked.
"He tried to eat it," Lou supplied, smiling. "Shattered the screen. He's basically a toddler with a can opener for a beak. You should see the poor furniture at their house."
"But he's sweet, so we love him," Rey said shrugging it off, smiling when her crew of dogs heard rustling coming from the kitchen and darted in that direction to, no doubt, beg Reign for a bit of what he was having.
I didn't know him well, but my money would be on him caving and giving them some.
"So, you ready?" Lenny asked, swinging the keys.
"Yep."
But I wasn't.
I so, so wasn't.
It was a short ride to Peyton's place where I could hear another dog inside, sounding like he was chasing a ball someone had thrown as we came to the door, Lenny fishing in her pocket for her own set of keys, slipping one into the lock, and pushing the door open.
We all got a chance to move inside, to have the door close at our backs.
Before Peyton stepped out of her room.
With a giant double dildo strap-on shooting out of her pelvic region.
"Goddamn, Peyton. How many times do I have to tell you that we are not dildo experimentation type friends?" Lenny demanded, but her voice was amused.
I had yet to get a look at the woman.
How could you look away from a double dildo strap-on?
When one of said dildos was green and pronged at the end.
And the other was a rainbow-colored unicorn horn.
"Told you," Rey said near my ear, making me shake off my surprise, my head moving up to see the woman herself.
I could see why Sugar picked her. Everything about her from her mermaid hair to her tattoos to her ridiculously pretty face spoke of an alternative type of woman, someone unique, someone to make a man like Sugar stop and take a second and third and fourth look.
"I gotta ask... what is the purpose of the prong?" Liv asked, brows drawn together.
"Aesthetics? For the dragon kink crowd?" Peyton suggested.
"I don't think we can call the dragon kink people a crowd," Lenny said with a smile.
"I could see the unicorn one being interesting," Liv decided, nodding. "Are you writing the blurbs for them or something?"
"Peyton's sister owns the local sex toy store," Rey supplied. "And the manufacturers sometimes send her prototypes. Peyton writes blurbs for them. Or just reviews them."
"Why the strap-on, though?" Liv asked, moving in casually, like this was a common conversation for them to be having. Like seeing Peyton with various sex toys attached to her was nothing out of the ordinary.
"Because I have two dicks, that's why," Peyton declared, taking a step forward, making both dildos wobble hilariously, forcing a snort to escape me at the ridiculous sight. "Oh, you're Freddie," she said, smiling at me. I didn't have a hard time smiling back since she was still approaching me and both cocks were wobble wobble wobbling away.
"I'm Freddie," I agreed.
And then it happened.
The only thing that could make this situation more absurd.
The dog I had heard running around came charging out of nowhere, lunging, and sinking his teeth into the pronged dragon dildo.
"Hannibal!" another voice called, coming out from the hall - a woman with short hair, make-up-free face, and a flannel shirt, grabbing the dog by the collar. "Drop the cock," she demanded, barely able to keep her voice sounding firm as she struggled to make the dog let go.
"Well," Peyton said, shaking her head at her dog. "That is quite the way to come out and tell me you like cock, Hannibal."
"Like mother, like dog-son," Lenny agreed, walking over to help Peyton unstrap herself.
"Who doesn't like cock?" Peyton asked, looking over at her other friend. "Even Jamie likes it. Just not attached to an actual man."
"If you're done making your usual impression," Lou said, dropping down on the couch, patting her lap for the dog to bound up on her. "Where are we heading tonight?"
"We're doing an escape room," she informed everyone, casually tossing the strap-on onto the coffee table, wiggling her hips around. "I have to give lesbians - and the spouses of men who enjoy pegging - credit. Those things get heavy after a while."
"An escape room?" Lou asked, looking suspicious. "That is rather tame for you."
