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For the most part, I really didn't. I had very little need to go back. I could happily stay in our secluded paradise for another seven months without worry.
But Cam had his club, his brothers, his girls.
He had a life to get back to.
And I knew it was coming in the way his shoulders tensed up that fourth morning. The way he seemed a little distracted, a little unsure around me. Like he didn't know how to bring up the inevitability.
He seemed fifty-fifty on the speaking thing.
Sometimes, he reached for the notepad, sometimes he forced out the words.
I wondered which way he preferred, now that I knew he could speak, just had been forced into silence, into non-communication all his life. Out of cruelty, out of poorly-given advice.
I wondered, too, how things would be around everyone else in his life. I knew he sometimes spoke to Liv, that he had spoken to a few of the men in the past. But maybe one time each for his brothers. And only in private moments with Liv.
Would he go back to silence in Navesink Bank?
I hated the idea of him continuing in absolute silence when there was no need for it, when he had tons of people around him who would accept and love him for exactly who and how he was.
That said, it was nearly a lifetime of conditioning to work through.
He'd likely hadn't even meant to open up to me. He'd just been worried about me, trying to pull me out of the remnants of my nightmare.
But then he'd sort of felt pushed into revealing it all to me.
I never felt more chosen before, though. That he'd confided in me, someone he'd only known for a few weeks, who he'd mostly only known via text conversation, when people he'd lived with day in and day out didn't know his whole truth.
It meant more to me than I could tell him. Though I had maybe thanked him three or four times already for opening up to me, for trusting me to understand, to never think differently of him because of where he had been, what he had done.
"You have to go back," I concluded when he'd walked past me for the fourth time without saying anything.
He stopped mid-stride, turning back, giving me a nod. But also correcting me. "W-we."
That, I decided, was maybe the most beautiful word of all time. At least when Cam was saying it. About the two of us.
"N-n-no?" he asked, brows going low over sad eyes.
"I didn't say no," I objected immediately, voice a little squeaky.
"E-e-eyes."
Okay, yeah. Maybe my eyes had looked a little uncertain. But I was really just thinking about reneging on a deal I had made with a really sweet couple who took a big chance on some unknown girl. They were trusting me to take care of their house. To make sure none of the pipes froze, to keep the grounds up.
"It's just... I made an agreement with Clark and Louise," I explained. "They were really sweet to take a chance like this on me. I feel bad for going back on my word after only a couple of weeks."
"S-s-so d-don't."
"Don't how?" I asked, watching as he went to grab a notepad, jotting down a bullet list.Timed lights.
Leave your car.
Hire service for snow removal.
Set the heat to really warm for the pipes."W-w-we c-can c-c-come b-back."
"That's true," I agreed. "Like once every ten days or so? Weather permitting. Just to check on everything, run the taps, do a quick cleaning. I mean, you don't have to come. I can just come."
"N-no."
"Why not?" I asked, brows furrowing.
"R-r-rat b-b-bastard."
Right.
Thomas.
It was easy over the past few days to forget he was a real threat, that just because Cam was around didn't mean things had changed.
Hence that nightmare.
Now, it wasn't just myself I had to worry about.
I had to worry about Cam and his connection to me and what that might do to the clearly unstable Thomas.
"About him..." I started.
"N-n-not n-now," he requested, shaking his head.
"But... how is it safer for me to go back to Navesink Bank when he knows I was there recently?"
To that, I got a bit of an eye roll. Which I chose not to take offense to as he reached for the notepad.Because I will keep you safe."You have obligations. Your club. You can't babysit me all the time."You can come to the club with me. Even if I'm busy, someone will be around to keep you safe."Live at the club? But.. isn't it just like a place to hang out?"There are rooms. We can use one while we need to. Or can just stay there some of the time, go back to my apartment other times. Like when you have clients."Oh, God. My clients."
I always felt guilt after I settled in a new place when I realized how many people I had let down by leaving without a word. I always made it so that I got paid with each lesson. For two reasons, really. It gave me cash at uneven intervals in case I needed it when things were tight. And also because I never wanted to take payment for a week of lessons when I might only be able to do one day of them. So I never screwed people over, but I was sure I had disappointed them, made them have to scramble to find someone new.
