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"Jesus," Astrid said, shaking her head.
"Right?" Liv agreed. "And Roderick said that all of a sudden, he has been talking to the guys at the club. Actually talking to them."
They both turned to me, each showing me faces I wasn't quite sure how to interpret.
"It's not me," I told them, shaking my head. "He just... he finally found his confidence."
"He's not a little boy," Astrid told me.
"What Astrid means is that... Cam has always been sure of himself, but it took someone coming into his life and accepting him exactly how he is to give him that final push he needed to feel comfortable showing that side of himself."
"That's not true," I corrected. "He had you. He showed that to you."
"Sparingly," Liv agreed. "Not like he talks to you. Like he is talking to everyone now. The only thing that has changed is that you came into his life. Take the compliment. You gave him a safe space to be himself. You deserve a little praise for that."
"For being a halfway decent person?" I asked, brows lowering.
"God, she is as annoyingly perfect as Cam said," Astrid burst out, sighing out her breath.
"Um... thanks? But, ah, no. I am so, so not perfect."
"Not like 'you have no flaws at all like a normal person' perfect," Astrid clarified. "But perfect for Cam anyway. I kind of always saw him with someone loud and maybe a little overbearing or something. I thought it would balance out his silent stoicism."
"Well, if it is of any comfort to you, I never know how to shut up. I literally blabber on endlessly every single time I open my mouth for no reason at all, about nothing at all. See? Like now. I can't shut up."
"Cam tells us that you teach guitar," Liv said, steering the conversation as she turned back to push the bacon around in a pan.
"I, ah, yeah. Thomas was always able to find me really easily if I was traditionally employed. So I had to find ways to pay the bills without leaving a paper trail. I happened to know how to play guitar since I was young. It all kind of worked out."
"What about now?" Astrid asked, watching me with those eyes I swore cut right through a person.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if Thomas is no longer an issue, you could do anything you wanted. Is teaching guitar what you want?"
"That's a really good question," I admitted.
It was also one I didn't really have an answer for.
Admittedly, I hadn't given it a single thought. Which was a huge oversight.
I blamed the sex.
The mind-alteringly good sex.
It muddled my brain.
But now that the question was posed, I had no choice but to think about it, to try to answer it.
Did I want to play guitar forever? Yes. I found it therapeutic. It was a connection to my family I never really got to know. It was my mom's dream that she could never bring to fruition.
I also genuinely enjoyed watching people finally 'get' it after days or weeks of fumbling around, feeling unsure of themselves, almost giving up.
It was rewarding.
Did that mean it was what I wanted to do forever?
Honestly, probably not.
It paid alright, but it wasn't guaranteed. It wasn't always steady. It didn't come with benefits. Sick leave, health insurance, a 401k.
I didn't think I wanted my future to involve constantly trying to find ways to supplement my income. Walking dogs, cleaning houses, babysitting, wrapping presents.
I wanted to be able to slow down a little bit.
I wouldn't be able to do that if I was constantly running from one job to the next.
"Oh, no. I think I made her head explode a little," Astrid told Liv as she hopped off the counter, helping Liv put all the food on plates.
"It's just a lot to think about," I told them.
"And you have time to do that," Liv told me, voice a little gentle as she brought two plates over to the couch, dropping them down on the coffee table. "We're going to have to make Cam get a bigger dining set," she added as she sat down, patting the couch to her side to invite me to do the same.
"We're going to have to make Cam move out of this shithole," Astrid corrected. "I would apologize," she added when Liv hissed at her. "But I think we all - you included - can agree this place blows. I mean, do you hear those dogs?" she asked, pointing her fork toward the ceiling.
Okay, yeah, the dogs really were more annoying than I thought they would be when Cam told me about them.
"Just because you don't like dogs..." Liv started.
"I don't dislike dogs," Astrid clarified. "I just think chickens are the superior animals. When was the last time a dog ate all the ticks in a yard? Or provided you with a protein source daily?"
