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"They're all different. There are some crazy chicks. Hackers and paramilitary leaders, bounty hunters and mercenaries. But there are beauty shop owners and accountants and stay-at-home moms. Just like normal people, babe, different strokes and all that."
"They all have kids?"
"Most of them, yeah."
"I see the gears turning, trying to figure out how someone would bring a kid into this life."
"I didn't mean that you—"
"No, it's alright," he cut me off. "Honestly, I doubted my decision for days before, for weeks after, until I started to settle in. At the time, I had been desperate, needing security for my little girl. And I couldn't think of any immediate way to get that. And I damn sure didn't know of any other way to give Jelly the life I had now, to give her the future I can because of this decision. And, honestly, it isn't like a TV show or movies. A lot of the time, things are tame. It's more like a giant family than a collection of criminals."
"I don't like that word," I said, nose wrinkling up.
"Criminal?" he filled in. "It is what it is, babe. That is what I am. And I'm not saying you have to love that if I am in your life in some capacity, but I'm saying that you will have to accept it. Because this isn't like some nine-to-five. I'm in it until the boss decides I can retire. And even then, this is my family now."
"I can't say I understand that exactly, but I get what you're saying. And I am hoping I can come to see each of them as people instead of this outlaw organization or whatever. God," I said, shaking my head, letting out a deep sigh.
"What?"
"How the hell am I supposed to explain this to Jacob?" I asked, looking over at Colson. "Gangs are bad, but bikers are A-Okay? I'm gonna be called a hypocrite."
"Yeah, well, when all else fails, do as I say, not as I do is always a good one to throw at them," he suggested.
"They like that one almost as much as 'because I said so, that's why'."
"I think that, with a little space away from that mess, and more time here, he will see the differences. He's a smart kid."
"Do you sell guns to them? Third Street, " I added.
"No, babe, no. Reign, our president, doesn't like the way they knock around their girls. And he really doesn't like that anyone who sells Easy Lay. He might be a criminal, but he has a moral code."
"Wait... your president is named Reign?" I asked, smiling.
"His old man was the previous president. He named his two sons after what mattered most to him. Reign and Cash. Power and money. He wasn't big on the having a moral compass thing, though. Reign was who turned this place around when he took over sometime around Fallon's age."
"So much to learn," I mused, wondering when I would find the time to do so.
"Stick around for a bit. You'll pick it all up."
"That sounds like an invitation."
"Because it is," he told me, sensing I needed reassurance. About what this was. About what we were doing. "This is a part of my life. A big part of it. And Jelly's, too. If we decide things are working out here," he said, waving between our bodies, "then it would need to be a part of your life too. And the only way you can decide if that is going to work for you is by spending some time here. Now, things are crazy right now. But I am hoping this will all shake out sooner rather than later. I will have more time then. I can work around your schedule. Until then... we will just play things by ear."
"Literally," I agreed, producing my phone, waving it before I checked the time. "I should get Jacob home."
"Stay," he suggested.
"We'll be in the way," I objected. "I mean, Jacob is taking up the entire couch right now."
"As soon as the guys wake up, caffeinate, eat, and shower, they're going to be gone again. Things have been real quiet around here lately. It will be fine. I have a room here for you to catch some sleep. I will find somewhere else to crash," he rushed to clarify. "Jacob is fine where he is."
"You don't have to," I said. "Sleep somewhere else," I explained, cringing a bit at how small, how shy my voice sounded. I wasn't a shy woman. But this all felt very new to me. I guess, in a way, it was.
I'd always stumbled into situations with men. And here I was, talking it all out like the adults we were. It was new. And interesting. And deeply reassuring. I don't think I ever realized how much uncertainty had been a major factor in my interactions with men before. Now, here was Colson, spelling it all out.
