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Oh fuck.
I knew where this was going.
From the look Shoot was giving me, so did he.
Alex was still just standing there with her dead eyes, shoulder almost touching Shooter.
“Oh yeah?” I said, raising a brow at Lex.
“I need to make sure your loyalty is where it should be.”
“Meaning with you.”
“Of course,” he said, waving a hand.
“Break...” Shooter's voice held warning.
Lex raised a brow at him. “Hit her,” he said abruptly.
Yeah.
Saw that coming.
Fuck.
Never once. Not in my life. Not in my career. Never once had I ever raised a hand to a woman. And, come whatever consequences, I wasn't planning on starting now.
“Look, you get your jollies off knocking around women, that's your business,” I said, shaking my head. “I ain't doing that shit for your entertainment.”
Lex's chin jerked and a gun cocked behind my neck.
It was the first time I had seen a genuine reaction out of Alex since I got the phone call. Her eyes snapped to mine, widening, knowing that sound before her gaze found the gun pressed against the back of my head. She looked like she was ready to bolt.
Attention off of them, Shoot's pinkie grabbed her's again, but held on, trying to anchor her in place. She looked over at him, dropping his grip, taking a step back, and making her eyes move away from me.
“Really Lex?” I asked, shaking my head, sounding almost bored. It wasn't the first time I had a gun pointed at me. It wouldn't be the last. All I could hope for was the shit holding it had a steady trigger finger.
Lex looked disappointed, then waved a hand at the other guy who immediately grabbed Alex's arm roughly enough for her to yelp, dragging her away from Shooter who looked ready to pounce until a gun pressed against the back of his head too. “Maybe that will help you make your decision,” he shrugged. When I hesitated, the gun cocked. And I knew they weren't bluffing. Shoot was useless to them. They'd killed for less than his name calling earlier.
His eyes told me he was thinking the same thing. And I saw something there that I never had before. Not strong. Not prominent. But there.
Fear.
Shit.
Alex's head twitched, catching my attention. And the second my eyes landed on her's, her chin lifted, and her eyes opened wider- a look that seemed to scream- 'do it, you have no choice'.
And I really didn't.
But I couldn't.
“On your knees,” Lex growled toward Shoot who took a breath and forced a smile.
“Don't know what way you swing, man, but my mouth is for pussy only,” Shoot said, attempting levity even in his final moment.
Lead settled in my stomach, heavy, making me feel rooted in my spot, too horrified to move. To do anything. To say anything.
Shooter got to his knees, winking at me.
God damn it.
This couldn't fuckin' be happening.
“Have any final words for your brother?” Lex asked, his voice emotionless. Like he did this every day. In a way, he did.
“Don't forget to send Pops the scotch,” he said. And he meant that. That was what he wanted to leave me with.
The man behind him took a step back, aiming.
“Just hit me!” Alex shrieked, the sound bouncing off the walls and shooting through my system like knives.
It was the first time she had spoken since she greeted Lex and everyone's eyes fell on her. The air around her seemed to be charged, sparking off with her anger. Because that was what she was- she was pissed. Her cheeks were flushed with it. Her posture stiff with it.
“Miss. Miller...” Lex started.
“Shut your fucking mouth you slimebag,” she snapped and I fought the urge to groan. That fuckin' mouth of her's. It was gonna get her in all kinds of trouble.
To Lex's credit, he didn't even flinch. I had expected blind rage. I had expected her brains all over the window behind her. Women did not, ever, speak to Lex Keith that way.
“This is my meet...”
“What part of shut your fucking mouth don't you understand?” she pretty much just... screamed, before turning her head in my direction. “Stop this. Stop all of this. Just... hit me.”
“Alex...” I started, feeling my stomach start to roll, the bile start to work it's way up my throat as I looked at her face. Her skin like cream, her bones like a bird underneath it. I raised my hand to her... I could really cause damage.
And she would never forgive me.
Not really.
The memory would always be there under the surface.
She would always know I was capable of hitting her.
“It's okay, sweetheart,” Shooter broke in, his tone soothing.
Her eyes rolled. “It's not o-fucking-kay,” she said immediately. “No one is dying because I'm a girl and you're afraid to hit me. That's friggen ridiculous. Just hit me!”
Lex's brow raised and he nodded at the man behind Shooter who uncocked the gun and put it away. “You heard the woman,” Lex said, looking very much like he was enjoying my discomfort. Though not as much as he would enjoy me putting my hands on Alex. He was probably hard just thinking about it.
“Breaker...” Alex said, her voice desperate. Desperate.
Maybe that was what did it.
Someone like her. Someone who stared at death and said 'eh whatever'. Someone as collected as that, desperate to save someone else.
And I knew.
Maybe she'd never fully trust me again after I hit her.
But she'd definitely not ever forgive me if I didn't.
I grit my teeth, steeling the contents of my stomach to stay down, and made my way to her, arm cocked back because I knew I had to hurt her or Lex would just make me do it again, but also holding back. Because my fist could just... break her.
I swallowed hard and so did she.
Then I swung.
My knuckles hitting her jaw was the single worst feeling the world had to offer. Worse than Shoot saying his final words to me. Worse than all the lives that had taken their last breaths at my hands. Worse than the beatings I took when I was too small to do anything but cry.
