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She liked carbs more than she liked protein. Always plowing through her sides at dinner and then picking at the meat with a sort of disinterest. She forgot to run a brush through her hair until it was in tangles. She hated action movies and wouldn't even talk about watching anything with horror. She said real life was awful enough, that if she was going to escape for a while, she wanted to escape into something that made her laugh. So we watched comedies. She laughed. I laughed at her laughing.
I threw things into my cart, pausing in the chip aisle and grabbing a bag of cheese curls. The puffed kind. Which was, apparently, the superior ones. I had gone my entire life without forming that kind of opinion about snack foods.
“Man, you got blood on your sleeve,” a familiar voice said, sounding amused.
I turned, seeing Paine standing there, one of his arms thrown around his mother's shoulders.
“Heya darlin',” she greeted me warmly, like she always did, completely ignoring the blood topic. Like she always did. “I gotta go grab a roast for dinner. Paine, baby, I'll catch up with you by the register.”
And with that, she was pushing her cart away from us.
“You don't call and fucking tell me you're still alive? When you're dealing with that son of a bitch?”
Shit. Yeah. That was stupid.
“Sorry, man. I've been busy.”
At that, Paine's eyes roamed over to look in my cart and the sides of his lips quirked up. “I see that. She worth all the trouble you getting yourself into?”
“You know the answer to that,” I hedged, not quite at the point where I felt like I could admit out loud to someone else that I had less than professional feelings about Alex. It was too soon. I wasn't the kind of guy who got feelings about any god damn thing.
“Shoot?” he asked, a look of hardness going across his face, like he was preparing for the worst.
“Far as I know still pissin' off the guys holding him. Saw him once. Alex slipped him a knife. He has a chance.”
“And...”
“And I'm supposed to hold onto her until she is not useful to him anymore.”
“How the fuck you get yourself into this mess?” he asked loudly, making a group of women at the end of the aisle jump and look over. Paine sent them a killer smile and they flushed and wandered off. Smooth fuck he was.
“Dunno man. But I am gonna get us all out of it. Get us out of here.”
Paine nodded. “You need anything...”
“Ain't getting you involved in this too. It's bad enough that you've been seen with me at all.”
“Just sayin'. Shit goes down, you got nowhere else to turn, you got me.”
Paine wasn't in my life. Not the dark side. He was in the drinking and chilling and bitches side of my life. But he knew all about the dark. He shared a bottle with me on the nights when the blood on my hands wouldn't let me sleep. He helped me pull Shoot back from the brink of death when he got his ass handed to him by three pussies who jumped him in an alley 'cause they knew he carried around bank.
He kept his head in my business, but his hands out of it.
That was the way I wanted to keep it.
For him. And his family.
No matter what shit went down, no matter if I had nowhere else to turn, he wasn't getting into my shit.
“I know, man,” I said though, because he wouldn't give in until he got what he needed to hear. “Go meet your Ma. I gotta go back and check on my girl.”
My?
My?
Jesus Christ. She wasn't mine.
As if sensing my internal battle, Paine threw his head back and laughed, the sound filling the store. “Oh, that's rich. Holy fuckin' shit. I never thought I'd see the day.”
“What day?” I asked, feeling my jaw getting tight.
“The day you caught yourself feelings over some chick,” he clarified, still chuckling.
“I don't...” I started, knowing damn well I did.
“Oh, save it,” he said, slamming a hand down on my shoulder. “Didn't say it was a bad thing. Just said I'd never thought I'd see the day. Go get your food and get back to your woman,” he said, moving toward the front of the store.
“She ain't my woman,” I called back loudly.
“Keep trying to tell yourself that, man,” he said before disappearing.
I sighed, finishing the shopping and driving back toward the house with a heavier feeling than when I left. Not because I didn't know it was happening. I did. I wasn't stupid.
I spent a lot of time with women. Most of that time though usually was spent inside of them. And then I was gone. I didn't usually stick around to get to know them. And even if I did... they never interested me.
Alex was interesting. She was twisted and dark and warped. But at the same time, she was sweet, and funny (though she didn't think so), smart, and dedicated.
She didn't flinch away from my dark or try to shine a light into it. Because she was living in the same depths as I was. We just... got that about each other.
I gave a shit that she was breathing.
I wanted to make sure she kept on doing that.
No matter what that took.
So I could get more time with her.
I pulled up to the house, rounded up the bags, and made my way to the door.
“Alex, open up, doll. Hands are full!” I yelled, kicking at the door.
But there was no answer.
Immediately, I felt my guts clench as I dropped the bags on the front step and reached for the handle. And it turned in my hand.
It fuckin' turned in my hand.
The air just... left my body as I reached behind me for my gun at the same time I threw the door open.
“Alex!” I called, moving in. Nothing. No sign of struggle in the kitchen or living room. I moved to the bathroom. Then the bedroom.
