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And I gave her it all.
From the fact that I kinda watched Ryan to him saying hi one day to him forcibly carrying me and Rocky to safety and patching my hand and all that was in between, every tiny detail that kept me up at night and ran across my mind all day as well.
She had paused for a long moment after, watching me across the video chat with dark eyes I couldn't read.
Then she had told me that it was really only appropriate to get him a thank you gift.
At the time, I thought she was just reminding me of basic social norms. It wasn't until after the package arrived and I was sitting on my floor wrapping it that I realized her motives had been ulterior.
She wanted me to drop it off.
She knew that I would never ask my uncle to do it because then he would ask why and he would read way too much into it, get that hopeful look in his eyes that I knew I would only dash when I didn't magically get better and become a social butterfly who had a steady boyfriend and a life again.
She knew I would have to do it myself.
I had to give it to her, it was a good move.
And, after talking myself into it all morning, then listening for him to leave, it was a successful one.
Because I darted across the hall, placed the present, then flew back into my apartment to deal with the panic attack in private.
But it never came.
I slammed my door and locked it and pressed back against it and... nothing. My heart was pounding from the mad dash, not panic.
Which was something I mulled over for hours until my uncle showed up and we had dinner and opened presents and then he offered me a goodbye before heading off to go visit a few of his bachelor buddies.
The absolute last thing I expected that evening was a knock at my door.
I had been in my room getting ready for bed when it came, making my heart shoot up into my throat as I froze. No one knocked on my door. Except Bry and Bry wasn't supposed to come over until the day before New Years Eve. My hand went to my throat as I padded barefoot across my apartment and looked out the peep to find Ryan standing there, looking a little tired, but happy and stupidly perfect.
I hadn't had anyone but Bry and Carl and my Uncle Danny in my apartment in, well, a long, long time. It was weird to stand there, wondering what he thought of the place as he looked around. But he was perfectly as ease, making himself at home, uncorking the wine, and demanding cookies.
His ease put me a little more at ease myself.
Which was the only possible explanation as to why I had invited him to watch a movie with me on my itty bitty Barbie couch. It was plenty big for me even when I stretched out on it. But Ryan was a big guy and, well, he took up more than his fair half.
That meant when he sat down, his body was literally touching mine from shoulder to knee, me having my legs criss-crossed and still fitting fully on my own side. His body heat radiated through his layers of clothing, a comforting kind of warmth that I found myself enjoying way too much.
He sat forward, pouring the wine, then sat back and half turned to me to offer me my glass. I reached for it, finding our hands brushed yet again and, well, once was an accident, several times was by design. He was purposely touching me.
That, well, yeah, that was... nice?
It felt nice. That was really all that mattered, wasn't it?
He sat back and raised his glass to me. "What are we drinking to?" I asked. "Your Herculean strength, perhaps?"
He snorted at that. "Please. You weigh about as much as your cat."
"Then, ah, to new friendships?" I asked a little hopefully, praying it didn't come off as desperate, though a part of me was most definitely desperate.
He watched me a long moment, his light eyes unreadable. "No. No, I don't think we should drink to that either."
"Well, I'm out then. You pick."
His lips tipped up slightly, not quite a smile, but something hinting at it. "Here's to progress," he offered, the words a little heavy and I wanted badly to read into it, but I forced myself to accept it at face value, clink my glass to his, and take a sip.
Having never had seventy dollar wine before, personally considering a thirty dollar bottle pretty good stuff, I hadn't known why there were such things as wine snobs. But his wine? Yeah, it was amazing.
"Oh my God," I half-groaned as I sat back against the couch.
