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I didn't want that to happen.
So if he needed to dirty talk women home alone with their cats, well then, so be it.
"I might have one to send your way actually."
"Awesome. That's a load-off. Now if Lea would change her damn mind about quitting," she said, small eyeing Lea who just shook her head at her. "She was the only one of my girls who knew what a 'snowmobile' was when a guy called in. The kinky bitch."
"And welcome to the Mallick family," Dusty announced, cheeks the slightest bit pink. "There don't seem to be a whole heck of a lot of boundaries they won't cross. You get used to it. Sort of," she said with a somewhat shy smile.
"Don't let her fool you with her sweetness," Fee declared, giving Dusty a shoulder-shove. "When we took her to the toy store, she stocked up. In fact, did I see a pair of..."
She lost the rest of her sentence as Dusty slammed her hand across her mouth. "A pair of safe sex pamphlets. That was totally what she was going to say."
"Of course," I agreed, laughing. "I totally pick up safe-sex pamphlets in pairs... you know... along with my handcuffs," I finished, smiling huge when her cheeks went fully red.
They were going to be fun.
It never occurred to me to think about sisters much. I was usually too busy with my brothers. I had been a tomboy. I enjoyed doing the things they liked. And I had always had my mother through my teenage years to do all the girly stuff with. But, I realized as I stood there and listened to them taking turns teasing one another, I had been missing out on the female connection for way too long. There was just a completely different dynamic with women than with men. You could flow from talk about the weather to hair care products to cock rings in a way that didn't seem weird or uncomfortable.
I hadn't been able to discuss sex with someone... well... ever.
My mom had died before I had lost my virginity and you did not, ever, talk about sex with your brothers.
Ew.
So I had missed out on all those talks, those belly-aching laugh moments, like the one that would take place twenty minutes later as we all started swapping stories.
"No... so..." Lea was trying to explain, but laughing so hard that she had to stop every few seconds because Fee kept cutting into her 'cherry-popping' story with hilariously raunchy commentary. "He, oh my God, stop Fee," she said, shoving her hand into the other woman who stumbled back into a Dusty who was laughing too. "No, he was trying to dirty-talk me, and he ended up asking me if I liked his doggy-dick instead of, I think, donkey-dick. Which is equally as terrible, but I laughed in his face because, well, come on! And he got all pissy, soft, and pulled out, yanked his pants on, and stormed off. And that, my dear ladies, was my glorious first time," she finished, spinning a hand in the air as she took a bow.
"Alright, alright. We had my kinda sad story," Fee said, shrugging it off. "And we had Dusty's kinda sweet story. And Lea's ridiculous story. What was your first-time story?"
"Not hilarious or sweet or sad," I admitted, shrugging. "I was just a little over eighteen, and he was nineteen I think. He got me in the backseat, yanked up my skirt, gave me a solid... thirty seconds. And voila- I wasn't a virgin anymore."
"Boo! Boring," Fee heckled, tossing invisible popcorn at me.
"Trust me, I know," I admitted, laughing.
"Fee," Mark's voice interrupted, almost startling me because I had been so wrapped up in girl-land that I had maybe momentarily forgotten he was even there. "Your hell beasts are trying to convince their grandfather that you totally let them watch Family Guy."
"Right, like they need to be exposed to any more potty mouths," she said, rolling her eyes as she moved to follow him inside.
"I'm going to go see what Mark has around here to cook," Lea declared. "Dusty, wanna help?" she asked pointedly. There was nothing subtle about it as they went inside and closed the door on Mark and me.
"Been out here a while. Wasn't sure if I should send a rescue party or not," he commented, coming up to me, and sliding his arms across my lower back, pulling me closer.
"Nah we were fine. Discussing how we all lost our virginity," I admitted.
"Damn, I miss all the good stuff," he said, pulling me tighter.
"I like them a lot," I went on, wanting him to know, wanting to assuage any stress he might have been feeling about me getting along with his people. "Fee is going to interview Rush for a job as a male phone-sex operator for lonely women."
