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He was just... empty.
All I could think, being maybe the most objective third-party, was how much he was going to miss. He was going to miss his beloved nieces growing up. He was going to miss Lea's and Dusty's and maybe someday my children's births. He was going to miss birthdays and anniversaries and Thanksgivings and Christmases. There was going to be a sizable hole in every single life event from this point on. There was no way to deny that. That spot could never feel filled. Life would feel always just a little bit lacking with him gone.
Even if he did get probation in five. That was still five years. Five years meant Becca would be heading into middle school. It meant that any babies born would be in elementary school before they even met him.
Because make no mistake, he wouldn't meet them.
I didn't know Eli well, but I just had the gut feeling that he was never going to let his family bring kids into a prison to see him in chains behind glass. No way.
And that, well, that was a fucking tragedy.
Unable to hold it in any longer as I watched Eli disappear, I leaned to my right, resting on King's shoulder because it didn't feel right to cry on Mark right that moment, knowing he was the one who was actually losing something, not me, but needing a shoulder regardless.
It was just so fucking sad.
My heart ached for all of them.
"Take two," King said, giving me a squeeze. "Then knock this shit off and be there for your man."
I smiled because that was exactly what I needed to hear, and nodded.
Then I took two.
And I was there for Mark in the capacity he would allow.
I had spent enough time around men to know that they didn't want you all up their ass when they were dealing with something. Your best bet was just to be around, to be there when they finally did need a sounding board, or a hug, or whatever. I had started to worry that maybe the method wasn't the same for boyfriends after we left the station that first night, but eventually, it proved to still be the right method. After he had raged and stewed and worked things out in his head, he had come back to me, held me, fucked me silly on the kitchen floor.
This, I knew, was going to take a lot more time. But we had plenty of it. He was worth the ups and downs.
"Two minutes are up," King declared, making me laugh and swipe at my cheeks then move to put an arm around Mark, leaning into him as he talked to his father.
It was a good two days before we were able to talk about it, to let it all out. But that was what he needed, those two days, so that was what I gave him.Mark - 1 yearI would never get used to the feeling.
It didn't matter how many times it happened over the past year.
Each and every time something great happened, like Shane and Lea bringing Jason into the world and then shortly thereafter announcing that they were going to pop out another, even when Dusty and Ryan tied the knot and started working toward their own family as well, even through all the birthdays and holidays, no matter how truly happy we got, there was a sadness beneath it all.
Because Eli never came back to us.
When they took him out of that courtroom, unbeknownst to us, they had completely taken him out of our lives.
There were no phone calls.
Letters were returned.
Visitation, no matter which one of us went up there (and every last one of us had tried), was denied by him.
We didn't know if he was alright.
We didn't know if he was trying to make the best of it, or if he was letting that life completely consume him.
Mom didn't know if he was eating, if he was sleeping, her main concerns being a mom.
Pops and the rest of us guys didn't know if he fell in with a gang, if he was getting beat on, if he was letting himself rage out and getting more time added to his sentence, or spending too much time in the hole.
We didn't know shit.
It was like a death in the family.
And it left a void.
So even though every time I looked down and saw that square-cut diamond ring on Scotti's hand, knowing how fucking insane it was that I had a woman who was there for me through my worst and still wanted to sign up for more, I couldn't feel one-hundred percent happy.
Scotti threw down the bridal magazine that Fee had dropped off, along with about fifty others, with a huff.
"What?" I asked, watching as she shook her head at the room at large.
