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“Did you know I was discharged from the service because of heart issues? Took a bullet through the back and it fucked with my heart. Army didn’t want me anymore. Heart problems aren’t the end of the world. I’ve found love. Twice. I get pretty damn rowdy with Noah and it hasn’t hurt me yet. Is that what you’re worried about? Sex?”
“No.” He was terrified that losing Marc would kill him, but he didn’t share that with his boss. “Noah doesn’t have an evil, extended family who could hurt you.”
“I don’t think this has anything to do with them and everything to do with you being scared. That person you lost, was he or she important?”
“He. I was going to marry him. I loved him, but…” He trailed off because the words tangled together as a lump in his throat. “I feel differently about Marc. I loved Michael, I did. And his death was my fault, so the last thing I deserve is more happiness. But what I feel for Marc is just so much more intense. I can’t explain it.”
“You don’t have to.” Rowe paused, and a small smile spread across his lips. “That man who was racing across the gym to whip your ass although I would have been fine on my own? My love for him humbles me. And his feelings for me do the same. I didn’t feel I deserved that gift, but I thank the universe for it every single day of my life.” He tapped Royce’s hand, so he’d look up at him.
When Royce did, he had to hold his breath at the pain his boss was letting him see.
“I loved my wife with everything I had. I understand the pain of that kind of loss, Royce. And I more than understand the fear you’re letting destroy you right now. Fear that you’ll open yourself back up to that kind of love only to have it ripped away from you again. I’ve been there and it…well, frankly, it sucks ass.” He winked. “And not in the good way.”
Rowe surprised a kind of snort laugh out of Royce.
“I get that you feel you don’t deserve Marc, but I think you do. At one time, I didn’t much like him, but I’ve since spent time with him, and he’s kind of great.”
“Not kind of,” Royce muttered. “I’ve never met anyone like him. The man crawls under your skin to keep you warm from the inside. He’s talented as hell and can’t see beyond his own insecurities.” He cleared his throat and whispered, “He’s so goddamn beautiful, it hurts to look at him.”
“Come here.” Rowe pulled him into a tight hug, sighing once his arms were around Royce, who stiffened in surprise. “You have such a hard time accepting comfort. Such a hard time trusting, and after seeing where you come from, I get it. I know the things you did in the past, and I hired you because I could see the good man that you really are. That you’d left all that behind you. You may not see your worth, but Marc sure as hell does.” He shook his head, still holding on to Royce. “I also get that I’m hugging a bag of hard bones here. Eat some damn food.” He pulled back and tugged on Royce’s beard. “Get some sleep, trim this ridiculous thing because it doesn’t suit you, then go tell Marc everything you just told me. Grab on to your second chance of happiness. I promise you, it’s worth it.”Chapter Twenty-FourRoyce stood in front of the two short steps leading to Marc’s small front porch. The air smelled like fresh-cut grass, and there were lines in his front yard indicating that the landscaper had been through in the past day to bring the yard back to perfection. Bright red impatiens filled the flower beds along the walkway, giving a burst of color. Everything looked the same and yet brighter with the arrival of spring.
It had been forty-five days since he’d last stepped into Marc’s house. It felt like it had been longer.
His stomach cramped at the thought of so much time passing since he’d last set eyes on Marc. He knew that Rowe and Andrei had stayed in contact with him. Geoffrey too. But he hadn’t let himself ask about Marc. Couldn’t let himself wonder how he was doing, if he’d managed to bridge the distance between himself and his siblings. He wouldn’t let himself think about Marc painting, creating beauty that he hid away from the rest of the world.
But most of all, he wouldn’t let himself think about Marc moving on without him. He wanted Marc to be happy, to find someone who would love him so completely that he never questioned his worth. Yet the idea that Royce couldn’t be that person was like drowning. He couldn’t breathe, the world closing in around him.
