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Snow lifted the syringe for Lucas to see before extending his hand out to the side and dropping it. The little plastic container clattered and bounced once on the floor before it rolled away. “It looked like you were trying to strangle Rowe. I just wanted to calm you down.”
“Bad idea, wasn’t it?” Lucas snarled.
“Yeah, obviously,” Rowe muttered, rubbing his throat with his left hand.
Lucas narrowed his gaze on the smaller man, not missing that his right hand was hovering close to where he kept a knife hidden on his person. “You will go to Andrei now. Fix this. He leaves with me or I do this shit alone. You got me?”
“Why the hell is Andrei so important to you?”
“Don’t talk. Just do.”
“Go,” Snow ordered before Rowe could open his mouth again. He stepped away from Rowe so he had a clear path to the door. “Just fucking fix this.”
Lucas stepped back, his fists tightening as he shifted his gaze back and forth between the two men. He was on edge, tension radiating from his body. Everything in his brain had become a shattered mess. Heart racing and temples throbbing, he was having trouble remembering why he even attacked Rowe, but panic screamed through every nerve ending. Rowe had threatened Andrei. That was it. And Andrei was hurt because of him. Hurt and in pain somewhere in that hospital and there was no one to protect him.
Snow took one step forward. “Talk to me, Lucas.”
“No. It’s nothing.” The words were fired from his lips, sharp and sure, to stave off the doubts before they could overwhelm him.
“You look like you’re willing to beat me to death.”
The horror of Snow’s words plowed through Lucas and he finally looked down at his bruised fists. “Ash,” Lucas whispered, Snow’s little-used real name slipping out past trembling lips.
Snow immediately stepped forward, his hands covering both of Lucas’s, threading his fingers through, loosening them before he pulled the man into his arms. He held Lucas gently, comforting him without making him feel trapped. “What happened?”
“I-I don’t know. Is… Is this from the concussion?”
“Was that a flashback?”
Lucas jerked his head up so that he could look his friend in the eye. “Flashback?” The word sent a chill through him.
“From Afghanistan.”
He quickly shook his head, shoving the past back into the deepest corners of his brain. There was no reason to call up such dark memories. Both he and Snow had discovered uncomfortable truths about themselves during those four years, and Lucas never wanted to think about them again. But they were still there. He’d felt hints of it, a darkness in himself that had tried to surface, when he’d pinned Rowe.
“Everything. I’m just so uneven. Out of control.” Lucas reached with trembling hands and tightly gripped his friend’s waist. His forehead dropped to the man’s shoulders and he squeezed his eyes shut.
“What’s this about Andrei?”
“Rowe fired him,” he mumbled, not lifting his head. He took a deep breath, pulling Snow’s scent into his lungs, holding it there as it calmed his frazzled nerves. Even when Snow was irate and on the edge of losing control, his simple presence gave balance to Lucas’s world. Yet it wasn’t working like it should have. Snow couldn’t fix what Andrei was upsetting. “It wasn’t his fault. I-I lost it.”
“Why? You’ve known the guy for a couple of days.”
“It’s not what you’re thinking. Andrei risked his life for me. He would have died to protect me tonight. And…and Rowe was just going to toss that aside. Called him useless.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not! How many people would die for you? For me? How many people have?”
Snow gripped both of Lucas’s shoulders tightly, meeting his wide gaze. “Hey! Stay with me here. You’re safe. Andrei is safe. Rowe, I’m going to kill for putting your mind here.” Carefully, Snow pushed Lucas back to sit on the edge of the bed. Pulling a little flashlight from his pocket, he checked Lucas’s eyes before taking his wrist for his pulse. The familiar procedure helped Lucas step back from the mental ledge and begin to put some order to his thoughts.
Satisfied that Lucas wasn’t going to jump out the nearest window or take a nurse hostage, Snow stepped back toward the door.
“Relax. I’ll check on Rowe and get you out of here.”
A sigh escaped him when he was finally alone in the room. His body ached from a mix of old injuries and new bruises. He was overdue for another painkiller, but he didn’t want to take another. His head was fucked up enough as it was without the Percocet fog. But the aches were nothing against the dull throbbing pain in his chest. Reaching up, he rubbed the heel of his hand over his heart.
He should have said something to Snow, let the man talk some sense into him. That was the problem, though. He didn’t want to listen to the logic that Snow or even Rowe would pound into his head. It was the same reason he wouldn’t let Rowe remove Andrei from his life. He wasn’t ready to let go yet.
