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And now, he kept sharing these glimpses of dominance that were wreaking havoc with Snow’s common sense. Hot was too tame a word for what those hints made him feel.
What really messed with him was that sometimes, he reminded Snow of Lucas and he didn’t know how to compute that. Snow found his friend attractive but outside of one experience he’d give anything to forget, his relationship with Lucas had never been about sex. It was something completely different. Deeper even than that of brothers sometimes. Maybe it was because they’d met as children, he didn’t know. There really was no way to explain or understand it. And Snow was so fucking thankful for it, the thought of losing Lucas terrified him. Snow knew damn good and well that he leaned on the other man in ways a weaker man couldn’t have handled all these years. He knew that the darkness that lurked in his soul might have taken him out years ago if it hadn’t been for his bond with Lucas. It wasn’t something he was proud of. It just was.
And that was the reason he didn’t date beyond random hookups. But then…tonight… several times, he’d seen something in Jude that made him think this man could possibly handle him. Not just physically…but possibly, emotionally.
And that turned his crank like nothing he’d ever felt in his life. Jude made him want things he had no business wanting. Like a relationship.
He broke out into a cold sweat and quickly shoved that petrifying thought aside. Hell, he hadn’t even slept with the man.
Before hope rose like some monster wave from his past—back when he’d felt there was still something of himself worthy of true love and lifetime pledges—Snow shoved out of his car. He ground his teeth and followed Jude up the narrow stairwell to his apartment. He’d thank the man for putting himself in danger and helping him out. That was it. He’d then leave and not entertain any more thoughts of the happily ever after he’d given up on long ago. He’d hit a bar tomorrow night and find someone he could fuck without any of these annoying feelings creeping up on him.
Once inside the apartment, Jude threw his keys onto a small table by the door, shrugged out of his winter coat, then leaned against the wall. He stared at Snow, an angry flush darkening his neck under the dark stubble already filling out his face. He looked good with the scruff —dark and sexy. Snow had a sudden image of Jude rubbing that new beard growth down his stomach and over his balls and his body instantly responded. He swallowed back a groan and looked instead at Jude’s place.
It was kind of chilly and it reminded him a bit of the apartment he’d shared with Lucas when they’d first left the army. What a pit that had been. At least they’d had bedrooms. Everything here fit into one big room. It had brick walls, a kitchenette, and a small two-seater table next to the bed-slash-couch that was currently pulled out in the bed shape. A dark blue comforter and white sheets lay in disarray, and it was all too easy to picture Jude’s long, muscled form stretched out there.
The most interesting parts of the entire room were the shelves along one wall that held wooden boxes in all shapes and sizes. He looked back to find Jude still watching him.
The paramedic growled, ran his hands through his hair, his agitation obvious. “I honestly don’t know what the hell to feel or think right now, Frost.” He closed his eyes, leaned his head back. “I didn’t want you to go to that place alone, but seeing you there and…knowing that you…. That you’ve been there before and— ” He cursed, and pushed away from the wall. “I feel like I need a shower to wash away that place and I just can’t understand why you’d ever be mixed up in that.”
“You don’t know me,” Snow snapped as hot resentment and shame rushed into his throat.
Jude stepped closer, his nostrils flaring, his hands in fists at his side. “No, I don’t. I don’t know you and I’ve been trying like hell to get the chance. But now,” he paused, took a deep breath and the groan that came from his throat was deep with obvious disappointment. He gave Snow a bitter half smile. “I’m not so sure I want that chance.”
Snow bared his teeth, his nails biting into his palms as anger, comforting and familiar, flowed into him and pushed out all the hurt trying to rise up inside him. The bitterness riding the flood shouldn’t have surprised him, but it did. He had somehow let this man in just enough to actually wound him. “You know what, Torres? Thanks for helping me tonight. I appreciate you having my back, but I don’t need this shit.” He turned to leave.
