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Last night, he’d wanted Jude to sleep over. When he’d realized he was about to ask to stay at Jude’s instead, he’d had the hardest time swallowing back the question. And when he’d seen the disgust…the doubt…in Jude’s expression, he’d felt the ground dropping from beneath his feet. He’d backed off fast and spent most of the night staring at the glittering city lights through the massive window in Lucas’s dining room.
Thoroughly exhausted from that and from dealing with the fucking politics of the hospital, he’d been shocked when Jude sought him out. Shocked, yet more thankful than he could ever remember being.
He was so fucked.
He tried to look at where Lucas lounged in the chair in front of his desk and couldn’t. Apparently, his friend had been there the whole time. He’d witnessed Snow give control to another man and Snow was having a hard enough time dealing with it himself. Having Lucas see it bothered him more than he liked to admit.
“Snow, don’t.” Lucas stood up and came around the desk to bend over Snow’s chair.
“Don’t what?”
Lucas put his hands on Snow’s arms and waited to speak until Snow finally looked up. “Don’t feel shame—any sort of shame—for what you have going with that man. For getting what you needed.” He squeezed his fingers. “What I couldn’t give you.”
That made Snow finally meet his gaze. “You’ve given me everything. More than you ever should have.”
Lucas’s smile was rueful. “I’ve loved you. That’s all. You’re my best friend and we love each other. Always will. But what I just saw, what you have with this paramedic, it’s different.” Lucas knelt and moved his hands to Snow’s knees. “I didn’t think he was strong enough for you. Even after last night. His refusal to go in armed worried me. And I didn’t think he could fill that huge chasm of pain you deal with every single moment of every single day. I thought he was weak. But what I just saw—” he broke off and grinned. “Was hot.”
Once again, shock filled Snow when he actually felt his cheeks heat.
“Look at that,” Lucas murmured. “You can blush. Ashton Frost can blush.” He laughed. “This is a good thing.”
“It’s not.” Snow frowned. “And trust me, there isn’t a weak bone in Jude’s body.”
Lucas smile broadened as his mind obviously went to a dirty, dirty place.
Snow grinned back. “Yeah, that sure as hell isn’t weak either.”
“I like him,” Lucas admitted. “He’s good for you. I don’t ask a lot of you, Ash, but I’m asking you to take care of him and let him take care of you.”
“I’m not sure I’m going to find the same hearts and roses you’ve got with Andrei.” Snow joked, but his words fell flat to his own ears.
“You’d be surprised,” Lucas murmured.
He sobered as he finally wondered what had brought Lucas to the hospital. He didn’t like coming here and was usually only here when he was either hurt himself...or here for worse things. “Have you talked to Rowe again?”
Worry turned Lucas’s eyes fully gray. He straightened and walked back to the chair in front of Snow’s desk, but he didn’t sit. “No. He’s not answering his phone.”
“Have you asked Andrei to track the GPS chip in Rowe’s cell yet?”
One corner of Lucas’s mouth twisted in a smirk. “Not yet. I’m guessing that he went to his grandfather’s cabin in Colorado, but I’m trying to give him his space.”
Snow sat back his chair, letting his shock show, bringing in a strange, embarrassed flush to Lucas’s cheeks. “Really?”
“Andrei refuses to do it,” Lucas grumbled. His gaze darted away, no longer able to meet Snow’s eyes. “He said we need to give Rowe a week before we track his phone.”
Snow ran his hand through his hair, feeling the trace of sweat left there, remembering Jude licking it from his jaw. “Why did you come to the hospital?” he asked Lucas.
“I figured I’d give you a heads up. Ian is pissed, made his nurse drive him to Rialto. He’s ordered us to be there in half an hour for lunch. Hope you can get off.”
Snow closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. “I should have called him yesterday.”
“Or the day before. You and me both, friend. Livid is an understatement. He didn’t catch the news until today because he hasn’t been able to watch it. His nurse told me that part. He’s not dealing well with the accident. Melissa’s death has torn him up.”
Snow stood up and grabbed his coat off the rack by the door. “We have to tell him about Gratton. It’s not fair to keep him in the dark. I was wrong before.”
Lucas held open the door, but then his eyes narrowed and he held up his hand. “You’re usually too busy to take off for lunch. What’s going on?”
