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When Snow had once asked if he knew his wife liked it, he’d almost admitted that he was the one who’d signed them up for an online site, but he’d refrained. He never told them he suspected he was bisexual because once he’d fallen for Mel, he’d mostly put that aside. He never would have cheated on her, so watching porn and reliving memories of his night with Noah were his only outlet. And he’d been perfectly fine with that. He’d loved her with every fiber of his being and had been sexually fulfilled with her. And Mel would have never begrudged him a life beyond her.
He told himself that as he wiped his body clean, then wet down another towel for Noah. He walked back into the bedroom to find that Noah had flipped on a lamp and had been watching the bathroom door. The wariness in his eyes speared into Rowe because he wanted to see the joking, strong man he knew. The laughter and teasing helped to keep the growing panic at bay. Rowe forced a grin and tossed the warm towel at Noah, who caught it and slapped it over his belly.
“Thanks. That was getting cold.” Blue eyes probed his as he dropped the dirty towel over the side of the bed. “You okay?”
Rowe didn’t know how to answer that because his emotions were all twisted up in his throat, so he just smiled, but it was slipping off his lips almost as quickly as he could push it in place. He rested his hand on Noah’s thigh. He ran his thumb along the soft hair there, completely unsure how to handle this after-sex situation with one of his best friends. He felt so out of his element, he couldn’t find the right words.
Just last night Noah had talked about giving in to pleasure, that it didn’t have to be more than that. But every laugh and touch and moan tangled up in his chest, like a length of twine tightening around his lungs so that he could barely drag in a breath. Could it ever be just pleasure with Noah? Could he really walk away from him after having such a shattering moment and not feel like he’d left behind a piece of his soul?
Fuck, did he even want to risk that? He was finally learning to function again after the loss of Mel so that he didn’t feel like he was going to fall to pieces with every step. He couldn’t risk his sanity, his heart, to another loss. Jagger wanted him dead and he would have no problem ripping through Noah just to get to Rowe. Oh God, he couldn’t lose Noah.
“You need some time, don’t you?” Noah asked softly.
He pretended he didn’t see Noah’s flash of pain when he nodded. And he hated himself for not saying anything as Noah stood and gathered his clothes. He didn’t dress, just held them in front of his gorgeous, tall body and stared at Rowe for what felt like forever. Then, he gave him a half smile and said, “I really enjoyed that. See you in the morning.”
He turned and left the room and Rowe sat in the same spot until he finally fell over with exhaustion. What the fuck was he doing?Chapter 14Noah stared at the ceiling of Rowe’s guest room, listening to his friend move around the kitchen. Exhaustion pulled at every muscle, especially the big, blood-pumping one in his chest. He’d known all those years ago. He’d known that his attachment to Rowan Ward was stronger than any other he’d experienced. And he’d known the man could break him. Yet he’d been unable to resist coming here and yeah, he’d hoped for their friendship to move into this territory, but he should have been more wary.
He closed his eyes, once again recalling the vivid image of his dick sliding into Rowe’s mouth. He turned and muffled his groan with his pillow.
Hottest damn thing ever.
It hadn’t mattered that Rowe had no experience. He hadn’t cared that he’d never done that before. No, that knowledge had made everything so much more intense. It had pulled deep emotion into the act and he’d been honored to be the first. He wanted to be the only. He’d watched himself moving in and out of that hot mouth and now he had trouble getting it out of his head.
The only thing to shove it aside was Rowe’s expression as he left the room.
That had kept him up most of the night. Rowe’s pain had hit him like a kick to the nuts, so his walk down the hall had felt more like a crawl. He hadn’t known what to do, how to ease the pain and settle Rowe’s mind. Noah had always felt strong enough, tough enough, to deal with anything that came his way, but he wasn’t sure he could handle this. Rowe meant too much to him—it felt like he could be the other half of Noah’s soul.
