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Rowe had been waiting for him when he stepped out of the shower after dinner. What had started as sweet and tender quickly turned to voracious need. But that was par for the course with them. They’d been together for more than two years, and they still couldn’t get enough of each other. Probably never would. And Noah didn’t have a single problem with it.
He was perfectly happy with their life as it was. Work, the dogs, their unique and growing family, and their private time together. He didn’t need anything else.
But was it enough for Rowe?
The wedding had started to dredge up old doubts and concerns that he’d thought he’d put to rest long ago. Before Noah showed up on his doorstep, Rowe had enjoyed an entire life with another person. Melissa Ward was a tough act to follow, not that he saw himself in competition with her memory. She’d actually become a guardian angel of sorts for him. When Rowe wasn’t around, he’d sometimes find himself standing in front of one of the many pictures of her around the house and talking to her. And it was always about Rowe. If anyone understood the complicated man and what Noah was struggling with, it was Mel.
But the truth of the matter was that Rowe had felt so strongly about his love for Mel that he’d married her. Gotten that damn piece of paper that bound them together in the eyes of the world. He heard about the “pregnancy scare” at Mel’s last Thanksgiving with the family. Ian had told them that it had been a wake-up call that got them at least thinking about kids and long-term dreams.
Mel’s time was cut short.
Noah picked up the baton in a way. He was there to love and protect Rowe. To give him joy and peace.
But Noah didn’t want to get married.
He understood and respected the need of their family members to get married. For Lucas and Andrei, it seemed natural. Same for Ian and Hollis. Snow and Jude were a bit of a surprise, but Noah had a feeling that something had changed a little in both men, or at least they’d both had some hard realizations after Snow had been kidnapped.
Marriage wasn’t for him. It felt like a dog that was tethered to a post in the center of a yard, the chain too short to run and play. He didn’t want anyone else but Rowe in his life. He’d never want anyone besides Rowe. But he wanted to keep the free feeling he had with Rowe. That they could run together, go on any crazy adventure that caught their attention, and then stumble home battered and exhausted, happiness overflowing from their hearts, when it was all over.
Kids didn’t feel like a good fit either. He loved Daciana Vallois with all his heart. She melted something deep inside of him every time he saw her. He could spend hours with her in his arms, and he was looking forward to babysitting, introducing her to the dogs, teaching her so many different things. He looked forward to the kids that Ian and Snow would add to their respective families.
But at the end of the day, they’d go back to their fathers, and he and Rowe would go back to their happy life. Ward Security was their baby. All the employees at Ward were their other family and Noah loved it. He loved running off on one adventure or another when trouble arose. They didn’t have to worry about endangering the life of a child. There was no having to choose one over the other.
Their life made sense to him. It was perfect exactly as it was.
But is it enough for Rowe?
That one nagging thought kept tearing at his brain since Ian’s wedding. He and Rowe were the only ones left who hadn’t announced an impending wedding or plans for kids. Did Rowe want those things? Did he wonder if Noah didn’t love him as much as Mel had loved him because he wasn’t rushing for the altar or a list of surrogates?
And if Rowe wanted those things, where did it leave Noah?
If he said he didn’t want to get married, would he lose Rowe? Or if he admitted that he didn’t want to have kids?
Life and relationships were all about compromise, but this was a damn big compromise for one of them. What would happen to the happiness they’d achieved over the past couple of years? Would it wither away under the weight of bitterness and frustration?
If they had kids, Noah had no doubt that he’d love them with all his heart, but would he find himself missing their old life?
And if they didn’t get married and have kids, would the rest of their family understand and respect their decision? Would they think that Noah didn’t love Rowe enough?
