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Her name is Bunny. How’s that for irony? She also has big boobs. Bigger than mine. Although, I think hers might be the paid-for variety. Not that it matters much. Boobs are boobs. If Alex can grab them and put his dick between them, he’s a happy man. What if he wants to slide his dick between her boobs? What if she wants to fondle mine? What if Mitch wants to have sex with me, and Alex wants to watch? Why has my life suddenly become a cheesy porno?
I try to focus on work, but I’m distracted by porntastic scenarios involving Alex and Bunny. I need answers. The internet will have some, but those aren’t necessarily reliable, as I’ve learned over time.
Buck is a good option. I pick up my work phone under the guise of doing my actual job and punch in his number. He answers on the third ring.
“Hey, Vi. How’s it going?”
“Okay. Fine. Good. You?”
He goes into immediate brother-protection mode. “What’s wrong?”
“Why would you think something’s wrong?”
“Seriously?”
“No, really, what tipped you off?”
“You sound like a prepubescent boy.”
“I have a throat thing.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Okay. No, I don’t.” I need to get better at lying. I wonder if there are classes for that kind of thing.
“So what’s wrong? You and Waters get into it or something? You want me to break his nose again?”
“No. Please don’t do that. He doesn’t snore yet, and if you break his pretty face, that might change, and I like sleeping beside his fuckhot body. Especially when he’s naked, and I’m naked, and there’s nothing but warm skin.” I inhale one of those deep breaths and release it so it makes the Darth Vader whooshing sound when I exhale into the receiver.
“Thanks for sharing all of that. Sunny tells me I’m like a cuddly warm blanket when we sleep naked.” Buck returns the overshare.
“That’s because you are a blanket. A big yeti blanket.”
“Ah, there we go. Whatever’s wrong can’t be that bad. So what’s the problem?”
“Are Mitch Darcy and his wife swingers?”
Buck coughs, like maybe I’ve made him choke on something. “Where’d you hear that?”
“It doesn’t matter where I heard it. Is it true?”
“Shit. I don’t know, Vi. There are rumors, but then there are always rumors, ya know? Why’re you asking? Does Waters want you to go on a double date with them or something? I’ll shove my fist up his dick hole.”
I make a disgusted sound. “No, Buck, Alex doesn’t want to go on a double date with them. And please don’t put images of your fist near Alex’s dick in my head. That’s just awful. I’m supposed to present a proposal for the Darcys’ account next week, and Dean told me they’re swingers.”
“Who’s Dean?”
“Another guy who works here.”
“Oh.” Buck’s silent for a few seconds. “So what does them being swingers have to do with you managing their account?”
“I don’t know. Nothing, I guess. I mean, I wondered if maybe they want me to manage their account because they have a secret agenda to get me and Alex to partner-swap or something.”
“Yeah, I don’t know much about swinging, ’cause I want to be the only one eating Sunny’s cookie, but I don’t think that’s how that whole deal works. If Darcy’s into screwing other people’s women and his wife wants to ride other guys’ dicks, they’re not gonna go after his teammates and their partners. That seems like a super-bad idea.”
I nod, even though he can’t see me. He makes a good point. “Kind of like when you got caught with your coach’s niece in the public bathroom?”
“Thanks for bringing that up.”
“Sorry. You know I’m not getting on your case; I’m just making a comparison.”
“I don’t really think screwing around with a chick in a bathroom and wife-swapping are the same thing.”
“Right. Lance boning the trainer in the locker room seems like a better comparison.”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“How’s he doing, anyway?” I ask. Now I’m making small talk. Also, I’m still following Tash on Instagram, and she keeps posting depressing inspirational sayings about the mistakes people make that they can’t take back, and letting things go, so I might be doing a little fishing.
I hear beeping in the background on Buck’s end. “He’s his usual self. Well, not quite, but he’s okay. Why’re you asking about Lance?”
“I don’t know. No reason.”
“Sunny told me Tash has been messaging her lately, asking about him, so if you want to know what’s going on between those two, I don’t have an answer. She fucked him around, and he’s not over it. That’s all I know.”
“It doesn’t seem like she’s over it, either.”
“Yeah, well, she’s the one who screwed him over, apparently, and Lance is pretty good at holding grudges, so I can’t see him jumping back into that, but you never can tell.”
“Yeah. Right. Relationships are so complicated.”
