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So much finally makes sense now as I filter back to the first time he was on my table—and further back, to the night at the bar, where he was edgy and stressed over the way people kept bumping into him, and to the kiss in the closet when he wrapped my arms around his neck and told me to keep them there. That that was the real him.
I have the real him right here with me now, too. I have a broken boy who’s become a broken man, and as stupid and naïve as it may be, I want to be part of what heals him.
“I want this. You and me. Us.” He skims my side with his hand, then wraps an arm around my waist.
God. Of all the relationship conversations I’ve had, this one has to be the most difficult. “So you want be exclusive?”
He swallows hard. “I don’t want there to be anyone else.”
“So when you’re away, you don’t want me to see other people?” I won’t take anything for granted.
His eyes flash with something dark. “Are you seeing anyone else right now?”
“No. And I don’t plan to. That’s not how I work.”
He swallows thickly. “Okay. That’s good.”
“But what about you?” At his questioning gaze I press. “What about the girls who hang out after the games?”
“The bunnies?” Lance asks, looking almost horrified.
“Yes. The bunnies.”
“They’re just there for hook ups.”
“And will you do that? Have you done that? Hooked up with them?”
Lance frowns. “No. Not since we’ve been together. Do you want me to?”
“Of course not.”
“Okay. Good. ’Cause I don’t want that. Not at all anymore.”
His relief and mine match. “I’m glad.”
“Miller, Randy, Waters, and Westinghouse all have girlfriends. Well, Violet’s married to Waters, and I don’t know what the fuck is going on with Westinghouse and his girl, but I hang out with them, so I can avoid the bunnies.”
“That’s good.”
“I won’t do anything to hurt you, Poppy. Okay?”
“Okay.” I hope he means it. My heart is making big plans for this man, even though my head is telling me to slow down.
“Can I take you up to bed now? I’m not gonna get to have your hands on me for almost a week, and I’m not gonna like that very much.”
“Then we should definitely go to bed.”The hockey season moves into full swing, and in no time it’s mid-November. Lance is still a constant in my bed and on my couch. But those are really the only places I spend time with him.
In the weeks we’ve been seeing each other, he has yet to invite me to a game, or to his house, or out with his friends. We did go out for coffee once, at the same little dessert café we went to before. I wasn’t allowed to get tea because then it technically wouldn’t have counted as the second date I’d agreed to.
I try not to dwell on what all the seclusion means or doesn’t mean because I like having him around, and he continues to be sweet and doting. Meals and flowers have continued to arrive on a regular basis. And one day I left work to find new snow tires on my car because there was a ten-percent possibility of snow.
This is obviously a lot of thoughtfulness, but I’m starting to wonder about the parameters of this relationship. Have I become a secret he’s hiding? And if so, from who? DO NOT FUCKING REPLY hasn’t messaged again, at least not while I’ve been with him, and past relationships haven’t come up again when we talk.
Then someone else calls a few days before he’s scheduled for another away series, with unknown as the contact.
He doesn’t answer, but it makes him act sketchy. Just like when DNFR called before, he powers down his phone and distracts me with sex.
But I don’t forget how anxious that incoming call made him, despite how focused on my needs he becomes, zeroed in on what makes me feel good. When I put my hands on him, his groan is almost pained, and he holds my palms against his skin, as if he could fuse me to his body.
One night he shows up at my place with the makings of a black eye after a home game. I have an early morning, but he’s exceptionally needy in a way I haven’t experienced before. I’m almost scared of what it might mean.
We’re lying in my bed, me sprawled across his chest, because that’s where he seems to like me best after sex. Really any time we’re alone and prone, he prefers me to be tucked into his side or on top of him.
His breathing is even, but there’s tension in his body. His phone buzzes on the nightstand beside mine. I feel his head turn, but he doesn’t make a move to get it.
