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Lily is parked across the end of the driveway in Randy’s huge Ford F-150. This one is new, and though I’m not all that big into cars, or trucks for that matter, even I can appreciate how cool it is with its chrome everything and grill guard on the front.
Violet bounces down the front walk for a few steps before she grimaces and holds on to her boobs. “Sweet Jesus, you’d think my bra was made of sandpaper with how sensitive my damn nipples are these days.” She threads her arm through mine. “It’s party time! You better do some shots for me tonight to make up for the fact that I’m incubating Alex’s future hockey legacy.”
I give her a side hug. “Shots are never a good idea, Vi. We both know this.”
“Agreed. But there are Jell-O shooters, so you have to do at least one of those.”
Violet makes a move to get in the backseat. I offer to help her in, because it’s a long way up even with the running boards thanks to the huge tires on this truck, but she slaps my hand away. “I’m pregnant, not incompetent. I can do it myself.”
Violet is uncoordinated at the best of times, but add height, her center of gravity being thrown off, and an additional cup size to her already huge boobs, and she’s a walking disaster. Still, she somehow manages to get her ass in the backseat without damaging herself or anyone else.
“Happy birthday!” The girls call out as I drop into the passenger seat. They’re all wearing birthday hats with a set of champagne glasses, my name, and the number twenty-six on them. Lily blows one of those birthday horns, and the thing that rolls out hits me just above the eye. It’s followed by a burst of gold raining down on the front seat.
Lily’s eyes go wide. “Vi! Not in the truck!”
The dash and the front seat are littered with gold glitter and tiny sequins. I cover my mouth with my palm, trying to decide if I should laugh or not, based on how horrified she looks.
Violet makes her apologetic face. “Sorry. I got excited and forgot.”
“Randy’s going to kill me!”
“We can stop by a car wash and vacuum it out,” Poppy suggests.
“We don’t have time. Everyone’s supposed to arrive around two, and it’s already one thirty. The birthday girl can’t be late.” Lily runs her finger along the dash. “Glitter is the worst. It never comes out. I’m pretty sure I still have glitter stuck to my vag from the last time Randy wanted to play figure skater,” she says.
“Was that last night?” Violet asks.
“Last week.” Lily puts the truck in gear. “Roll down your windows, girls, let’s see how much gets sucked out the windows on the way to Vi’s. And you’re totally taking the heat for this. Randy can’t get mad at a pregnant woman.”
As Lily drives down the street, I spot an enormous RV parked not far down the road. I point and scream.
Lily puts on the brakes, maybe thinking she’s accidentally almost run over my neighbor’s cat, who has a terrible habit of playing chicken with cars. I swear he’s maxed out his nine lives.
I unbuckle my seatbelt and try to tuck myself under the dash.
“What’s wrong?” Lily asks.
“It’s the RV, just keep going,” Vi says.
Lily glances down at me uncertainly, but takes her foot off the brake and hits the gas. A cloud of glitter whirls in the air, and everyone sputters and waves their hands in front of their faces as they get pelted with it.
I cover my eyes with my palms as much to protect myself from the glitter as to hide from the RV. “Tell me when it’s safe, Vi!”
We slow as we round a corner and then speed up again.
“Okay. You’re good,” Vi calls out.
“Are you sure?” My God. My heart feels like it’s part of the backbeat to a techno track. It was bad enough when my mom parked her stupid mini Winnebago in my driveway for three days, but a full-sized RV is a whole different bag of no-fucking-way.
“I’m sure. We can’t see it anymore.”
I uncover my eyes and slowly pull myself back up, checking to make sure Violet isn’t lying. The girls are looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.
“Are you okay?” Lily asks.
“Fine. Good. Sorry about that.”
“Once when Lily and I were little, we went to the park and there was a guy in a white van with no windows and he offered us candy. Remember that, Lily?” Sunny asks.
Lily nods and shudders. “Sure do.”
“Thankfully Alex was there playing hockey with some of the boys in the neighborhood. They started shooting their pucks at the van and broke the windshield.” Sunny twirls her hair. “Ever since then, white windowless vans give me the willies.”
