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She doesn’t answer. I check my watch. She told me a few days ago that she was meeting my mom for lunch today. I was hoping they’d have wrapped it up by now.
Should I be worried they’re still talking?
Did lunch even happen?
I leave a voicemail, apologizing and asking Julia to call me back. Then, because I can’t help myself, I send her a text.
Many texts.
Because I can’t fucking stand being apart from her like this. Physically. Emotionally.
I hadn’t realized exactly how much I valued our connection until it wasn’t there anymore. When I’m with Julia, I feel seen. Safe. Plugged in to something greater than myself.
I’ve only ever felt that way with my family and close friends. I’m not sure if I’ve ever felt it in a romantic relationship before.
Greyson: Can we talk?
Greyson: I’m so fucking sorry baby
Greyson: I miss you
Greyson: and I feel horrible about the things I said.
Greyson: meet me? Anywhere
Greyson: I’m going to see Luke at the barn later today (its not work related I promise)
Greyson: but I’ll work my schedule around yors
Greyson: I’m sorry
Greyson: even bowie isn’t making me feel better
Greyson: how the hell do I dance without you?* * *Julia calls me half an hour later.
“Sweetheart,” I say. “Hi.”
“Hi, Grey,” she says. She sounds stuffed up. Quiet. Like she’s been crying.
I let out an anguished breath. “Please. Let’s talk.”
“I’d like that.”
“How about now?”
“Like right now?” I hear the smile in her voice.
“Right now. I can’t—” I swallow. “I can’t stand this, Julia. It’s killing me. Being away from you. Knowing you’re hurt.”
“Right now works. Where?”
“I’m in my car. I’ll come get you.”
“Okay,” she says. “I’m at home.”
“Be there in five. Less than that.”
She’s waiting for me in her driveway. Looks up as I approach and put the car in park.
I can’t see her eyes; she’s wearing sunglasses.
My heart feels like it’s about to burst.
It leaps to my throat when she starts walking toward me. At first I think she’s going to open the passenger side door.
Instead, she opens the door behind mine.
Slides into the backseat.
She pushes her sunglasses onto her head and meets my eyes in the rearview mirror.
My stomach dips. Hers are bloodshot, ringed with dark circles.
But there’s a spark in them. I could be imagining it. Wanting so badly for her to forgive me that my brain conjured the hopeful glint I see there.
Or maybe—just maybe—she’s willing to give me another chance.
“How are you feeling?”
She puts a hand on her belly. “Your mom just fed Charlie Brown and me. So we’re pretty content at the moment. Minus, you know, the whole heart-that’s-been-torn-to-pieces thing.”
“Jules,” I say. The word coming out as a tight growl. “I want to make this right.”
“I want to make it right too,” she says. Her throat working as she swallows.
“Can I come back there?”
Her lips twitch. “But I told you I don’t fuck assholes.”
“I’ve deserved that. Both times you’ve said it.”
“You sure as hell have. But I’m not blameless here either.” She pats the bench. “Come. Sit, I mean. No coming.”
Not yet, I silently reply.
I cut the ignition and slide into the backseat. Feels familiar and foreign, all at once.
Our gazes lock. My pulse marches in my ears.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “So sorry for the things I said. The way I behaved. But more than that, I’m sorry for not being the partner I promised I’d be. The man you needed. I thought I was doing the right thing by providing in my own way. I see now that I was wrong. You and I had different interpretations of what being a true partner meant. I thought that meant providing for y’all financially. Giving y’all the best of the best.”
Julia nods. Reaches for my hand.
“And I was wrong not to tell you what I meant by ‘real partner’ in more honest terms. I thought it was universally understood what that meant, you know? I thought everyone had the same understanding of what co-parents did and how the whole thing worked. Turns out we all have very different definitions. Which makes perfect sense now that I think about it. We all come from different families. We have different needs. I’m sorry I made such a dumbass assumption.”
I give her hand a squeeze. “Not dumbass. But thank you for saying that.”
“I recognize that you were trying in your own way to be there for me and Charlie Brown. That house search you did—I get that it took a lot of time and effort, and I sincerely appreciate what you did. You do think about us. You love us deeply, and you do work your ass off to show it. So thank you. I’m sorry I didn’t say that at the house—thank you.”
He nods. “You’re welcome.”
“I really do appreciate you putting that time in. The effort. Even though it was a bit…”
“Off,” he says. “I get it. Since my divorce, I’ve felt this pressing need to be a workhorse. I caused everyone so much pain, Julia. So much fucking grief. I guess I kind of wanted to make up for that the only way I knew how—by working my ass off so Ford could be there for his daughter, and my parents could be there for Ford. I’d take care of the financial piece of the puzzle so they could take care of each other.”
