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I cannot fucking wait. I’ve been putting together ideas and little touches all week. It’s a fun project to work on.
Although the fact that I’m so excited about it makes me a little nervous, too.
Fine, more than a little nervous. She said I gave her a lot to think about, and that she would try to work through some things that were holding her back. But she made no guarantees.
Me, though? I’m ready to go all in.
If Eva called today and said she wanted to give a relationship a shot, I’d pull out all the stops short of going down on one knee. I know that what we have is special. I know I fucked it up the first time. I’m not about to make the same mistake again.
I’m also really, really thrilled that she’d consider thinking things over in the first place. Means she’s feeling what I do. The intensity. The pull.
She knows just how excellent we could be together.
So I wait and I work and I send her flirty texts in the meantime. I jerk off a lot, too, thinking about those pretty tits and that perfect pussy of hers. I’m reverting back to my college-era, horny-as-fuck-self, and I make no apologies for it.
At the end of the day, I just miss her.
I worry I’m setting myself up for another epic heartbreak. Losing Rebecca destroyed me, and I don’t know if I can go through that again. She and Eva are the only women I’ve ever had such strong, overwhelming feelings for.
But I’m doing my best to take my own advice and trust the universe. If Eva and I are meant to be, we’ll end up together. I have to be patient in the meantime.
I get a call on Thursday night from Greyson that Julia is in labor. By Friday morning, their son has arrived. I grab Bryce from home—I called her pediatrician, who assures me she’s no longer contagious—and head to the hospital, where I meet my parents.
Mom and Dad are beside themselves with excitement when they greet us just outside the hospital room.
“How’s everyone doing?” I ask.
Dad grins, wrapping me in a bear hug. “Everyone is healthy and doing great. A boy! Can you believe it?”
“We were all so convinced it was a girl,” Mom adds, smiling. “I love what a surprise this is.”
“Was I a surprise?” Bryce asks from her usual perch on my hip.
I give her a squeeze. “You were the best surprise ever. We thought you were going to be a boy. Remember that, Mom?”
“Of course I remember. When we found out you were a girl, I was so happy I cried,” Mom says, taking Bryce from me for a quick hug before handing her back.
“I still get to be your favorite, though, right?”
Mom laughs, patting Bryce on the back. “I’m a lucky grandmother, because now I have two favorites.”
Bryce scowls. I laugh.
“By the way, the nurse was asking us if we had gotten our flu shots,” Mom continues. “Apparently it’s going to be bad this year—they’re expecting it to hit early.”
I blink, trying to remember if Bryce and I got our shots this year. I think we did last year? I think?
“I’ll call the pediatrician to double check,” I say, making a mental note. “Can you even get a flu shot in June?”
But before anyone can answer that, we’re herded into the room by a smiling labor and delivery nurse. I lead the way.
Inside, it’s calm and quiet. Grey is standing beside Julia in the big hospital bed in the middle of the room. Both of them gaze down at the baby tucked against Julia’s bare chest, hazy, happy smiles on their faces.
I blink back the sudden warmth of tears. I remember that moment so, so well. Rebecca and I blissed out, just wanting to stare at our brand new baby. Bryce looked like me when she was born, from her full, red lips to the way the tops of her little ears stuck out. I couldn’t get enough of her.
Still can’t.
She looks more like Rebecca now, thank God. But I remember how obsessed Rebecca and I were with just looking at our daughter. We’d stare at her for hours, totally in love with the tiny creature we made.
“Look,” I whisper softly into Bryce’s ear. “That’s how your mommy held you when you were first born. You were so little she kept calling you peanut.”
Bryce smiles. “I was a peanut?”
“You were. The cutest one, too. So cute that mommy and I couldn’t put you down.”
Seeing my brother’s son sleeping on Julia’s chest—helpless and perfect and teeny tiny—I feel a twist in my chest. Julia and Grey are exhausted, as evidenced by the dark circles underneath their eyes. But they’re also glowing.
“Hi,” Grey says, his whole face lighting up with a smile. “You guys come on in and meet the newest member of our family.”
