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The use of the F-word from one of my students is startling and I flinch. I swallow, trying to get back on track. “Right. So… it’s way more than that. More sensual. More… everything. It’s not just physical. You’re meeting each other’s needs. I’m meeting the Dom’s needs by submitting to him, letting him take control, allowing him to do things to me willingly. He’s meeting mine by not forcing me to have to make decisions. I’m giving in to what I trust is his expertise. I don’t have to think about it. I don’t have to learn anything about him. I can just know he’s going to take care of me and bring me pleasure. At least… at Club Alias that’s how it is.” I shake my head, getting back to answering his question.
“Anyway, so when you get out of your head and give in to all those things, it allows the pleasure to escalate beyond the normal measures. It elevates you, like… for a submissive, it’s almost a trance. Like… an out-of-body experience. You feel like you’re floating in another dimension.” My cheeks explode with heat at how enthusiastic my voice has gotten, and I realize to a normal person I probably sound ridiculous, talking about sex taking you to another dimension.
But I’m not speaking to just some normal person, now am I? No. And I know that, because he pulls our joined hands closer to him, setting them on his thighs now, and it tugs me toward him.
“That sounds amazing, Evelyn. Truly. So what happens then?” he encourages, devouring my every word.
“Well, that out-of-body feeling is what we call subspace. And it’s important to come down from that… like, gently. It could be rather jarring to go from floating in another world to suddenly crashing into reality, right? So a good Dominant will provide aftercare, to slowly bring his sub back into her body, to make her feel warm and welcomed back to earth basically.” I smile, thinking about some of the amazing Doms I’ve been with. “Personally, aftercare is my favorite part of the whole experience. It’s what leaves me feeling centered and levelheaded and gets me through… the rest of the week.” I finish up the sentence differently than what I’d been thinking, not wanting to mention he’s partly the reason I need such extreme measures to help me function like a normal adult.
“You make it sound like getting a fix, like a dose or treatment,” he replies, his expression curious.
I nod. “For me, it is. Not… not to get into my history or anything, but medications for my mental health didn’t work out so well. And this is the only thing that’s ever made me feel halfway… normal.”
“Normal.” He chuckles. “They say it’s the quiet ones who are the freaks.” He grins jokingly, but the word sinks to the bottom of my gut like a lead weight. I try to jerk my hands out of his grip. But he holds them hostage. “Ms.— Evelyn, what’s wrong?” Nate asks, holding tighter as I try to pry my hands away, leaning back on the ottoman with all my strength, but he pulls me forward easily as if I weigh nothing. “What did I say?”
“I’m…” I shake my head, my heart shockingly hurt for some reason, after I’d opened up to him. “I’m not a freak,” I manage to whisper, and I feel the corners of my mouth wobble as I try to fight back the sudden urge to cry. “Being submissive does not make me a freak. Just like being a Dominant wouldn’t. Just like having to control things, keep things neat and tidy and perfect, and count to certain numbers in your head, doesn’t make you one!” I cry out. And if I had my hands free, I would’ve slapped my palm over my mouth, in shock at the shit that just came out of it, but I don’t. So I can only look at him in wide-eyed, slack-jawed horror.
I brace myself when I see his nostrils flare, his brows lowering over his eyes that have gone dangerously dark. I’ve blown it. I just know it. All he wanted was to learn about Dominance and submission, and I had to go and spaz out and throw his own quirks in his face like an asshole. Hurt me and I’ll hurt you back, like some child playing slaps. But this isn’t some game. This isn’t some harmless conversation we’re having for funzies. This man holds my entire life in the palm of his hand, and he could crush everything I’ve worked for with one sentence from his mouth to his family, to my boss.
I hold my breath, waiting for his retaliation, every muscle in my body tense…Chapter 7EvieThe next thing I know, in one fluid movement, he rolls the chair he’s sitting in away, just enough that he can bring his long legs that were on the outside of mine together, forces them between my knees, and then uses his grip on my hands to yank me forward and onto his lap, straddling him. He takes my hands and circles them behind my back, locking them in place with his at my tailbone. He’s so tall that even as I sit on top of his lap, I still have to tilt my head upward to look into his eyes, which I do, but not for long, as his mouth comes crashing down on mine.
