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I swallow, and after a beat I nod as much as his hand in my hair will allow. “I… I had told myself that I would never bring just random guys back to my place. All D/s scenes would always take place at the club, and if somehow I started a relationship, only then would I consider letting them come home with me. So far, after two years of being a member, there’s never been anything more than scenes. It’s not exactly a breeding ground for developing serious feelings when all the members want to keep their identities close to the vest. Hence the masks and nicknames.”
His brow furrows. “The girl at the club called you Eve,” he points out.
“Close enough to my real name when I first started going that I would still recognize and answer to it if someone were speaking to me, but I figured people would just assume the nickname came from Eve, as in Adam’s wife,” I explain.
“Clever.” He keeps ahold of the back of my head but loosens his grip around me to pick up with my backrub.
His features still look a little troubled, and for some reason, I want to soothe him, even though this is all happening because he’s blackmailing me.
That’s a lie and you know it.
I push the thought away, because I don’t know that. He still has information that could destroy my life, and he’s said nothing about keeping it a secret.
“I… I’ve always dreamed about what it would be like to have an actual relationship with a person like me. Well, not like me, but my other half. A real D/s relationship, not just sex. Every day, not just at the club,” I tell him, and he meets my eyes again.
“How so? If it’s not sex, what else is there when it comes to Doms and subs?” he asks, looking intrigued.
I lick my lips, and his eyes follow the movement. “I’m not just a submissive in bed, Nathaniel. It’s… it’s who I am as a person. It’s the very core of me. To be in a D/s committed relationship would be… a dream. But I’ve never met anyone who made me feel anything… inside. I mean, yes, physical pleasure. But I never connected with someone who I felt could be my other half outside of sex.” I refrain from telling him that I felt all those feelings and more last night and this morning, when he seemed to be able to read my mind, to know what I wanted and needed before I even thought about it.
“I know what you mean.” His brow furrows as he stares off, not seeming to see the room around us. “It’s like that emptiness I felt even right after having sex, like there was a huge part missing and the physical part did nothing to make up for it.” And then his eyes meet mine. “Until I finally got to have you,” he murmurs, saying exactly what I’d kept hidden.
I bite my lip, unsure what to say. It all seems way too fast and under terrible circumstances to tell him what I’m really feeling. He could hurt me in so many ways, not just my career and reputation, not just the potential loss of my membership, but he could break my heart. And I don’t know if I could come back from that after how long and how much work it took to regain some semblance of myself after losing the only other people in my life I ever loved.
“It can’t just be me feeling this way, Evie,” he says low. “There’s nothing you could say to convince me that last night was just like any other night you have at that club.” His nostrils flare, and his hand tightens a little more on my hair.
I can’t lie to him. No matter how badly I want to protect myself and all this man could destroy, I cannot look him in the eye when he’s made himself this vulnerable and lie to his face about what I’m feeling.
“It’s not just you, Nate,” I whisper, and for some reason, tears spring to my eyes. My chin wobbles, and his image gets blurry. “It’s not. And that scares the hell out of me, because you could ruin me. You could ruin my life after I’ve worked so hard to become happy again after I lost everything.” A sob leaves me, and I squeeze my eyes shut and try to turn my face into his neck to hide.Chapter 13NateHer confession is like a defibrillator to my heart, shocking me to life. I flip us easily, and I stare down into her eyes swimming with tears, her little nose turning red along with her cheeks. She tries to look away, but I hold her tight, not allowing her to hide.
