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“I. Am. Not,” he shouts back. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes, but I hold them back, not allowing my emotions to get the best of me.
“You are. He’s in here. I can feel it. With every stroke of your cock inside me, every beat of your heart against my own tells me he is right there.” I poke him in the chest. “Right underneath your flesh, waiting for the one moment when you finally unlock the cage you hold him hostage in.”
Fuck.
“The person you want is gone, Amara.” His face grows cold. “The further you push, the harder you dig, the more I couldn’t care less about being here. If you don’t want me for who I am, then you don’t need me at all.”
I take a step back, shock coursing through me. I watch him, waiting for his expression to change, for a flicker of guilt to show in his eyes. Instead, he stares at me for a long moment before turning around, grabbing his keys and leaving. I hear the roar of his engine come to life, but I still stand there, trapped in place by his words and my own emotions.
All I want is him, the man I fell in love with.
Throwing myself onto the couch, I finally allow the tears to fall.EnzoMy fist lands against the brick wall, my knuckles cutting open as blood drips from my hand. I want the pain to make the ache in my chest go away, but it doesn’t. It just makes it grow bigger and bigger.
When I left the house, I did so because I couldn’t handle the words I had to say, and I wonder if I truly meant them. I love Amara with every fiber inside me, but I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to bring back that person she wants so badly. I want to be her everything, but I also want to be stable. Going back to my old ways can wreak havoc on my life. If anything, I’m scared of the damage I can and would cause.
I text Eli, telling him to meet me at a bar. I need someone to talk to, someone who will call me out on my shit without a second thought.
“Sorry I’m late, I have to…” He stops mid-sentence, taking in my facial expression. He knows my feelings better than anyone, almost as good as Amara did.
“I’m so fucked,” I admit before bringing the beer to my lips and taking a long pull from it. I don’t want to be that man, the one who constantly fucks up. I want to be the best dad I can be, and I want to be an even better husband.
“How so? Like in a literal sense or in a ‘you just did something and feel like life is screwing you like a two cent hooker?’” A smile forms around my drink. Eli always finds a way to pull me from the mayhem going on in my head. Eli smiles at me like he just won some amazing prize by making me smile.
“In an, ‘I fucked up and said something I shouldn’t have to Amara, and now I’m not sure if it is the right thing.’ Hell, I’m not sure if it’s even okay to say...” I sound devastated, heartbroken. How can that be? I still have her.
Eli tilts his head at me as if he is a little too amused for my liking. “You mean to tell me you finally fucked up and caused an argument?” His question seems to piss me off more.
“Whose side are you on?” I raise my eyebrow up at him.
“Whoa, I haven’t even heard the issue yet. Let me get both sides before I pick one.” He puts his hands out, acting all innocent.
I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“Why do I feel like you don’t even care to hear my side of the story?” I take another swig of my beer, the effects of the alcohol not even setting in.
“Honestly…” He smiles. “If Amara is pissed, you probably did something really fucking wrong.” My mouth gapes open. What is he trying to say?
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you fucked up. In the literal sense. She basically broke every rule for you. You have been through tons of shit with her. Shit that any normal woman would’ve broken down from. I mean, you killed people in front of her, hell, she killed someone for you. If she’s pissed about something after all of that, it’s probably serious.” I want to slam my beer down on the bar and punch Eli in the face.
“And what about all the serious shit you did? Is that inexcusable in a literal sense, or is that you just fucking up?” I spit back at him, pissed the fuck off he’s right.
