AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Normally Gabe would be in here, making a mess, but Bill took him out for breakfast.”
“Not someone I want to talk about,” Matt grumbled. “He knows Gabe better than I do.”
“He’s known him longer, but that will change. You should be happy. Jesse and Gabe had someone special to care for them while they were gone. Bill’s a good man.”
There was something in her voice. He looked at her. “How do you know him so well?”
“I don’t. We just met a couple of days ago. But there’s a strength about him, a steadiness. I’m glad Jesse wasn’t completely on her own.”
Matt knew he should be glad, too, but he wasn’t. He resented everything about the other man, especially the look on Gabe’s face when he’d run to him.
“Being alone with a baby is a frightening thing,” his mother said. “I was alone with you and I was terrified. You were so small and it was all up to me. But having you changed me. I finally grew up.” She sighed. “It only took me thirty-plus years.”
He wasn’t sure where she was going with this. “You were always there for me,” he said. “No matter what.”
“I loved you with every part of me,” she said as she leaned on the counter and held her coffee. “You were so different from me. So smart. Scary smart. You were eight when you took apart your first computer. You were ten when you learned how to put them back together.”
He remembered that. He’d been far more interested in the insides of a computer than what it could do. Once he understood the basics, fixing them, making them better, was easy.
“You were right about me,” she said quietly, not meeting his gaze. “Before. I resented your relationship with Jesse. I could see it was different. You were different with her. You’d never had a lot of girls around. I knew you’d grow into yourself and figure it out. I just didn’t think it would happen when it did. I wanted to keep you with me forever and she showed me that wasn’t going to happen.”
She looked up and gave a sad smile. “I turned into someone I didn’t like. A clinging, horrible person who cared more about herself than her child. I knew you were in love with her and I was thrilled when Nicole said she’d been cheating on you. I couldn’t wait to tell you. What I didn’t think through was how much you would be hurt or how you would see my actions for what they were. I never thought I’d lose you.”
“Mom,” he began, but she shook her head.
“No. Let me say this. I was wrong, Matthew. Very wrong. I was selfish and I hurt you. I’m sorry.”
They were the words he’d been waiting to hear. For the second time that morning, he walked around the high counter and held her. She set down her coffee and hugged him, then began to cry.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“I understand,” he told her. “It’s all right. I love you. I’ll always love you. I shouldn’t have waited this long to come back to see you. I was a thoughtless bastard and I’m sorry.”
A part of him, a cold empty place, filled a little.
She pulled back and brushed her face with her fingers. “I’m a mess.”
“You’re fine.”
“I’m a cliché, but I can live with that.” She smiled at him through her tears. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” He hadn’t allowed himself to feel it, but it had been there. “I didn’t get the parent thing before, but I do now.”
She nodded. “You’re doing better with Gabe. He’s wonderful.”
The angry surge caught him off guard. “I shouldn’t have to be doing better. I should have known him all this time. Yes, Jesse told me she was pregnant, but she knew I didn’t think the baby was mine. She should have tried again. She should have tried harder.”
Paula shifted uncomfortably. “I understand your frustration and I agree.”
He narrowed his gaze. “But?”
“But she was young and scared and hurt. No one believed her. No one would listen. Not even the man she loved most in the world.”
Matt didn’t want to think of it that way. He didn’t want to see her side. “She could have picked up the phone. How hard would that be? I can’t get back what I lost.”
“I know.” She touched his arm. “Believe me, I know what we’ve all lost. I keep thinking if I’d acted differently, if I’d welcomed Jesse instead of pushing her away, none of this would have happened. I wouldn’t have gone to Nicole’s that day and heard about Drew. You two probably would have gotten married. We would have been a family all this time.”
He remembered the diamond solitaire he’d bought at Tiffany’s. How excited and in love he’d been. He’d wanted to give Jesse something as perfect as possible, something to show how much he loved her. He’d wanted her to know she was his world.
What would have been different if he hadn’t learned about Drew the way he had? If she’d calmly told him about that night. He probably would have gone over and beaten the crap out of the bastard. Based on what he knew about Drew, that might have helped out everyone.
Then he pushed the thoughts from his mind. What did he care about what ifs? There was only the now. Jesse had gone away, taking his child with her. She’d shown him he was a fool to ever love, to ever trust. She’d returned and handed him the perfect means for revenge. It was the cycle of life.
“I need to get back to work,” he said, kissing his mom’s forehead. “I’ll call you soon.”
“We can all have dinner.”
Like a family. Like everything was perfectly all right. It was a battle strategy any general would be proud of. Lull the enemy into a false sense of security, then attack.
Except Jesse wasn’t the enemy. She was the mother of his child and the woman he had once loved.
He reminded himself this wasn’t the time to get soft. Didn’t he want her punished for what she’d done?
He remembered the look on Gabe’s face as his son had gleefully run toward another man who was very much the father Matt should have been, then hardened himself against any weakness. Victory was close. He could feel it. He would claim it and move on.
NICOLE SAT ON THE REAR deck of her house, coffee cup in hand. Eric was at a friend’s house and the twins were, for once, sleeping at the same time. She told herself she should enjoy her rare moment of solitude, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t stop thinking about Jesse and their most recent fight.
They were both right and both wrong, she thought sadly. Both so determined to come out on top, in terms of righteous anger. Maybe her a little more than her sister. Jesse wanted her to see all the changes she’d made, acknowledge how she’d grown. Nicole wanted proof that everything was different. Once she got that in writing, she might be willing to believe.
She took a sip of coffee, then nearly choked when a familiar male voice said, “You get more beautiful every year. I’m never going to find someone who measures up to you.”
She turned, shrieked, set her coffee cup on the deck and raced toward the tall, good-looking man standing on the stairs.
“Raoul! You’re here! What are you doing here? You didn’t call. Does Hawk know about this? Are you okay?”
She threw herself at him and he caught her and held her just as tight. “You look good,” she said, taking in the strong, handsome face, the well-cut clothes.
“Thank you. I’ve been working out.”
She laughed at the joke, then motioned for him to follow her inside.
Raoul did more than work out. He’d just signed with the Dallas Cowboys after graduating from Oklahoma, where Hawk had gone.
“Did you get that investment material I e-mailed you?” she asked as they entered the kitchen. “You can only spend so much of your signing bonus. You need to think of your future. You won’t be in the NFL forever.”
Raoul hugged her again and then kissed her cheek. “You always worry about me. If not about my grades, then who I’m dating and if she’s good enough for me. You’re—”
“Do not say I’m like your mother. I’ll be forced to kill you.” There were only ten years between them. Nicole didn’t need any more help feeling old. The current state of her life was enough to leave her exhausted.
“You were born to nurture,” he said instead.
“An average save. Not a great one, and I expect greatness from you.”
“I know.”
They smiled at each other.
Nicole had met Raoul five years ago, the same day she’d met Hawk. Raoul had been a senior in high school, dating Hawk’s daughter and living on the streets. It had been weeks after Jesse had left. Nicole had offered Raoul a place to stay and they’d been family ever since. In many ways she thought of him as a replacement for Jesse…only he’d managed not to screw up his life.
Except Jesse hadn’t screwed up hers, either. Not for the past five years.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Nothing. Everything. You don’t want to hear about it.”
He led her to the kitchen table and pulled out a chair. “Sit. Tell me what’s happening.”
She sat. “Jesse’s back.”
He settled across from her. His lack of surprise made her think Hawk had probably already told him that.
“And?” he asked.
“And I just don’t know anything.”
She began slowly, telling him about her sister’s unexpected arrival. The words came faster and faster, the confusion about what to think, Jesse’s business plan, the fire, how she, Nicole, seemed to have turned into a bitch.
“She’s my sister. Of course I love her. Why am I doing this?”
“Because you’re afraid of getting hurt again.”
Nicole stared at him. “What?”
“She hurt you before by leaving. What if she leaves again? So you hold back. You’ve always had a giving heart, Nicole. That’s why you love so much. But you’re afraid.”
Was that it? As simple as that? Fear of being rejected by Jesse again?
Tears filled her eyes. “When did you get so smart?”
“About eighteen months ago. It was a Thursday.”
She laughed, which helped her control the tears. “I miss having you around. Now you’re moving to Dallas. What’s up with that?”
“You know how much they paid me.”
“So you’re saying you can be bought?”
He grinned. “Absolutely.”
“I’m so proud of you, Raoul.”
He squeezed her hand.
She wiped her face. “Okay, enough about my problems. Are you seeing anyone? Because that last girl you brought home was way too snotty for my taste. Can’t you find a nice girl?”
“You don’t think any of them are good enough for me.”
“You’re right about that. But we can always hope for a miracle.”
JESSE WALKED THROUGH THE kitchen, pointing as she went. “We’re mostly doing the cakes here. They take a lot of work and these ovens are better.”
Claire glanced across the street at the small sandwich shop. “You’re really baking the brownies over there?”
Jesse grinned. “The bread ovens are perfect. The heat’s even, the racks are close together, which isn’t a problem because brownies are flat. We bake them there, cool them, then run them across traffic at six in the morning.”
Claire winced. “Tell me everyone is crossing at the corner.”
Jesse laughed and patted her arm. “You’re such a worrier.”
“I can’t help it.”
They moved into the front of the rented restaurant where controlled chaos ruled. “All the shipping and order-taking happens here. Most of our orders come in online which is much easier than answering the phone. We have our specialized boxes, our packing material. We stack the ready-to-go packages over there.”
