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But Eva was gone. Of course, she went to go find Oliver. Her husband-to-be. Duh.
Eva was right, it wasn’t fair to expect her to hold my hand when tonight was her night. I’m a terrible friend. As I thought the words, I realized they weren’t just true for Eva. They were true for Stone too. I’d been a horrible friend to him, and it was time to rectify it.
I had no clue what I was going to say as my feet began to move towards the dance floor just as the song ended. But I knew I had to say something. The awkward, almost combative conversation at the bar couldn’t be my future with Stone. It just couldn’t be, because it would be too hurtful to think that’s where we’d ended up after more than twenty years of friendship.
So, I had to say something. To do something.
“Hey Sophie! You look great!” Babs beamed a wide smile, completely oblivious to tension that had suddenly taken over Stone’s body.
But it was impossible to hate the beautiful, bubbly woman who always had a kind word for everyone. “Thanks. That dress is stunning on you.”
She turned to Stone with a laugh. “See? Sophie thinks its stunning, not lovely.” Her words were playful and she rolled her eyes. It was an intimate move, one that gave me pause. “You two need to talk, I think.” Without another word, Babs turned on her heels and headed back to the dance floor, happy to shake and shimmy on her own.
“Do we need to talk, Soph?” Stone’s words were cool, almost aloof and I took a physical step back.
“Y-Yes, I think we do. Can you spare a minute?”
“Sure. Come on.” Stone turned and walked away, hands shoved deep in his pockets as if he’d rather be doing anything in the world other than talking to me. He checked each door we passed until finally, one opened.
“In here should be good.”
I stepped in before the lights flickered to life and held back a groan at the small space that provided no distance from Stone’s obvious anger.
“It’s…okay.”
“What’s going on then?”
I sighed and nodded, knowing that I needed to speak since I was the one who started this. “I don’t know.”
“Well that makes two of us.” There was no bite to his words this time, which provided some relief. Not enough, though.
“I don’t like seeing you and Babs together,” I began deciding in the moment on total honesty. “She’s perfectly nice and gorgeous and accomplished, of course. She’s pretty perfect for you and I know that, but seeing you two together, it hurts.” I couldn’t look at him, not yet. Not until I got all the words out. “I know I have no right to feel that way, but I do.”
“Sophie…,” he began, but I still didn’t look up.
“Our conversation at the bar, if it could even be called that, was heartbreaking. That’s not the future I want for us. It’s not the future I envision when I let myself think about the future.”
“Sophie,” he tried again and I shook my head, unable to stop.
“I don’t let myself think about the future often because it’ll force me to think about things I don’t want to think about. Which I suspect you already know. But whenever I do let myself think about it, or imagine it, you’re always there Stone. Always.”
His size thirteen dress shoes invaded my view before his deep voice sent goosebumps skittering across my skin. “What does that mean, Sophie?” One finger slid beneath my chin and lifted it until our eyes collided. “Tell me what you want, Soph.”
I swallowed and thought about what I wanted, but the answer wouldn't come, because I didn’t have an answer.
“I don’t want to lose you Stone.”
He took a step back and panic took hold of me, gripped my chest so tight I could hardly breathe. “That’s not a reason.”
“I know and I’m sorry.” I shook my head, trying to knock all the clutter loose so that my real thoughts and feelings could emerge. But the only thing that was there was fear. Cold, unmitigated fear. “I felt, I don’t know, jealous watching you with Babs. I felt cold and angry. I was mad, Stone.”
“You’ll always be my friend,” he insisted, but Stone’s words were cold, they were distant as if even he didn’t really believe them.
“No!” I pushed at his chest forcefully, surprising myself right along with Stone. “That’s not good enough.”
He shrugged, and took a step back until his back was against the door, effectively trapping us inside the small room that wasn’t quite an office, but not quite a closet. “Well that’s all I have to offer.”
I kept shaking my head against his words. They couldn’t be true, I wouldn’t let those words be true, because if they were true, we were doomed. “It’s not.”
