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Belle was surprisingly strong and I didn’t have any strength in my body to fight her. My head was spinning and my stomach was twisted into a knot so tight it hurt when she started to move me. My chest felt like it was going to cave in and I was struggling to even draw a single breath. I held onto the bag containing my mother’s journals as long as I could, but I was too weak to keep my grip. Belle carried me over to the couch and gently placed me on the soft, pillowed cushions. I felt like I could melt into them.
“I’m going to get you a glass of water and a cold washcloth for your head.” She patted my leg and stood. “Then I’ll call Mr. Windsor and get a doctor over here.”
“No doctor.” I forced out my words and held up my hand. “It’s a panic attack—I had these when I was a kid.”
“My cousin used to have those. I’ll be right back.” Belle ran from the room.
I couldn’t make sense of time to know how long Belle was gone. One second she was running out the door and the next she was running back through it carrying several things in her hands. She knelt beside me, put a cold cloth on my head, and then I felt her push something into my hand. My hand felt numb, but she squeezed my hand around what felt like an ice cube.
“Everything is going to be okay, Miss Violet. You just have to wait this out. It will pass. Close your eyes and imagine that you’re a big balloon and you’re trying to fill it when you breathe.” She held my hand tight and took my breaths along with me. “That’s it—keep going.”
The sensations of fear, panic, and despair kept sweeping through my body. I didn’t know how to turn them off. My father always came into my bedroom when I woke up in the middle of the night and talked me through them. I squeezed my eyes shut and pretended that he was there beside me—holding my hand—telling me that things were going to be okay. I wished I could believe it, but I couldn’t even trick my mind into pushing past the overwhelming sense of despair that tried to close me off from the rest of the world.
“Keep breathing, Miss Violet. Squeeze this ice cube—do it yourself now.” Belle let go of my hand and I did my best to hold onto it.
I felt foolish, like some kind of child that couldn’t even get a grip on my own emotional unraveling. I fought back against despair until I found a piece of calm in the middle of that darkness. Georgia. She was reaching out to me—her hand was desperately trying to grab mine. I pushed through the crushing feeling in my chest, the weakness that had tried to destroy me, and I latched onto her. That’s what I should have done in the beginning. I should have never trusted Devlin.
I can handle Connor. He’s just a perverted fool. Why didn’t I realize that in the beginning?
Georgia led me back from the despair until I was able to cling to something else. I kept moving forward until I felt like I could open my eyes. The crushing feeling in my chest was gone. My stomach was no longer twisted in a knot. I took several deep breaths and was suddenly aware that the ice cube in my hand was making it hurt. I let go immediately and it fell to the floor. I turned my head to the side and saw Belle looking at me, slowly nodding her head.
“You’re okay.” She picked up the glass of water and held it up to my lips. “Just try to take a drink—that should help.”
I sipped the water and it was cold when it ran down into my stomach. The sense of hopelessness and dread faded. I had a path out of the Devil’s Manor. I just had to walk it. If I was brave enough to walk through the front door and sign my name on one of Devlin’s contracts, then I could find the courage to escape.
“Do you want me to help you upstairs?” Belle tilted her head to the side.
“No, I think I’ll just stay here for a little bit. Thank you so much.” I gave her a warm smile—an authentic one.
“My job is to take care of you, Miss Violet. Mr. Windsor would throw me out the front door in a heartbeat if I let anything happen to you.” She stood and walked towards the door.
I hope not, because I’m not going to be here when he gets home.
Belle left and I sat up on the couch. My strength was returning, but my head was still spinning a little bit. I had to put myself back together quickly if I was going to make my escape. I wouldn’t be able to control my emotions of Devlin came home before I was gone. I would lash out—I might even hurt him—or he would hurt me. There was no way I would be able to look into his eyes without one of us bleeding.
