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“I’m still not taking my eyes off you,” I told her roughly, and she giggled and buried her face in the crook of my arm.
“I do kind of like it,” she admitted. “I like you taking care of me. Even though I could do it myself.”
For once, I didn’t object. She’d showed more resilience and strength in these past weeks than I’d ever seen before, and I felt proud of her.
We watched TV in comfortable silence as it got dark outside, and I only got up an hour later when it was time to start thinking about dinner.
“Do you want takeout?” I asked her, and she nodded.
“Pizza,” she told me, and I grinned at her.
“The usual?” I loved asking her that. I fucking loved knowing what her favorite was.
She nodded without taking her eyes off the TV, and I called and ordered three pizzas.
“We having company?” she asked, and I joined her back on the couch.
“Yeah, I invited Maria,” I told her, feeling the slightest tension in her body. “I hope that’s okay. I thought you might need some girl time after what happened… yesterday.”
She turned to face me, turning off the crime drama we’d been watching.
“I just want you,” she told me gently, and I looked away, rubbing the bridge of my nose.
“I don’t believe you, Sapph,” I told her, my voice rough. I hated myself for it, but I wanted to be fucking honest. “I don’t think you only want me.”
“But I do!” She pushed me away, and then pulled me back the next second. How fucking fitting for what was going on with us. “Why won’t you believe me? You really think I don’t need you, F?”
“You might need someone,” I said, running a hand through my too-long hair. “I know you need someone. But I don’t fucking think it’s me, Sapph. I think you’d be just fine without me.”
She climbed on my lap, and just like that, I was fucking smitten again. Her arms around my neck, her lips lingering over mine. She was everything. And for her, I was just a piece in the puzzle, a chapter in her book, and it fucking hurt.
“You don’t think I care?” she asked me softly, and I looked away. “Look at me, baby.”
That word. Baby. How it just started sneaking into our conversation. We’d just casually end our sentences with it. I’d never used it with anyone else, and I’d never heard her use it with King.
Baby. She was my baby. I loved my baby.
But would she ever be mine? Only mine?
“You’re far away,” she said sadly when I finally looked at her. “Why can’t you be here, with me, F?”
“I could ask you the same question,” I growled, and wanted to hit myself after. “I’m sorry, baby, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just… it’s fucking hard.”
She ground her ass on my lap, but I stopped her. She always did it to get out of a conversation she didn’t like, but I wanted to have an honest conversation for fucking once.
“Sapph,” I said. “I need to know right now. I need to know if you’ll ever be okay. If you’ll ever feel about me the way I do about you. You know I’m not fucking playing.”
“I know,” she said. “I want to promise you everything, F. I want to promise you the world…”
She let her words trail off and I stared at her hopeful eyes.
But she didn’t promise. I don’t think she could have, not that day.
“Okay,” I said, and I hated how defeated my voice sounded.
“Okay,” she repeated, and hers was as deflated as I imagined mine was. “I don’t want Maria to come over today. I just want to be with you.”
“Alright,” I said. “I’ll give her a call and let her know. I hope you can eat your weight in pizza, though.”
She giggled, and I kissed her, right on those pretty, pouty lips I wanted to be mine forever. And she smiled against my mouth. We both pretended not to notice the tears falling down her cheeks.
We sat there, two broken, fucked-up people, and we held each other together.
To be honest, it was the most we could have done in that moment.
And that was going to have to be enough.
For now.Forty-OnePetOne week later
Maria held my hand the whole ride home. I couldn’t have gone to the doctor with anyone but her. And now, knowing the truth, I felt sick to my stomach because I knew I’d have to tell Felix.
We took the cab home together, and she insisted on staying in the car until he dropped me off, even though her place was on the way.
Once we arrived, I opened the car door with a heavy heart, and she squeezed my wrist tightly.
“You gonna be okay?” she asked me gently, and I gave her a weak smile.
