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I could see she wanted to ask me about the details of my mission, but I gave her a stern look and she pressed her lips together, refraining from comment.
I was just about to tell her that I’d decided to put in for a job change when she spoke up.
“Are you going to be gone a lot? Because Carter doesn’t need a part time dad. I’d rather he had no father figure in his life than one that blows into it now and then, turning everything upside down and then blowing right out.” Her fingers were twisting together, whether from nervousness or anger, I wasn’t sure. She didn’t need to be either.
“No, I won’t be taking covert assignments anymore,” I attempted to reassure her.
She studied me, those fingers still tangling, her demeanor clearly agitated. “I appreciate your determination at this moment, and I believe you’re sincere, right now. But how do I know you won’t get restless? What if you become unhappy and begin to resent us?” As she finished, she avoided my eyes, focusing on Carter instead. She stood, and I tracked her movements as she scooped him into her arms, my boy fast asleep. She finally reconnected with me, swaying side to side, Carter practically an emotional shield in front of her.
I blinked at her a few times, digesting her words. How she could think I would ever come to regret or resent them was beyond me. It was obvious she was rebuilding her walls and pain pulsed in my heart, but the logical side of my brain argued that no matter how connected we felt, we really didn’t know each other that well.
“You’re going to have to learn to trust me, beautiful,” I stated truthfully.
I waited for her to say something, but she surprised me, turning around and walking out of the room. Putting my elbows on the table, I dropped my head into my hands, using the heels to rub my eyes. I was so fucking tired, but at the same time, energy buzzed over my skin. I was going to break down those fucking walls and right then, I couldn’t think of a better solution than to show her how much I truly needed her. To fuse our bodies into one so she would know how deep in my soul the cravings for her went. Decision made, I stood swiftly and stalked from the room, unwavering in my course of action.
4
Aspen
The one time I wouldn’t have minded it taking him forever to fall asleep, and Carter went down for his nap with barely a whimper. I’d hoped for more time before I faced Weston again—at least a moment or two to wrap my head around the fact that the tattooed bad boy who’d swept me off my feet, knocked me up, and promptly disappeared, was really a super-secret spy with an excellent reason for his vanishing act.
As if he hadn’t been irresistible before, now I had visions of him as the hero in every action movie I’d ever seen. He wasn’t the villain I’d thought him to be for the last year. Instead, he was the kind of guy who saved other people’s lives while risking his own.
After spending so much time trying to force myself to hate him in an effort to heal my broken heart, it was almost too much to believe. I didn’t know whether I wanted to rush out there and tell him he was only going to be a part of my life going forward as Carter’s father or if I wanted to jump his bones and beg him to never leave. But I didn’t have any time to figure it all out because he was waiting for me in the other room.
I was pretty sure he wasn’t going to let me hide in Carter’s room for very long. As crazy as it sounded, other than thinking I’d tried to hide Carter’s existence from him, he seemed happy to know I’d given birth to his baby. The way he’d been looking at me made it clear he would be in favor of the jumping his bones option. And what fine bones they were. If anything, he’d gotten even sexier during his time away. The new ink I’d spotted on his knuckles was incredibly hot. Although, that could just be the months of sexual frustration talking. “Who am I trying to kid? It’s both,” I mumbled to myself as I turned on the baby monitor and grabbed the handheld unit.
After quietly shutting the door to Carter’s room behind me, I was fumbling with the volume dial on the monitor when warm hands wrapped around my upper arms. Weston had apparently made himself at home in my apartment because when he dragged me into my bedroom, the lights were already turned low and the sheets were pulled back on the bed. A bed he settled me onto before following me down to hover over my body.
I looked up at him and knew I was lost. I couldn’t possibly tell him I only wanted him to be in my life as Carter’s dad because it would be a bold-faced lie. I wanted more—heck, I wanted it all. I was just too scared to admit it out loud. I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable with him again. We’d only spent one weekend together, but I’d had an entire year to miss him and mourn the loss of him in my life.
“I missed you.” I was so dazzled by being near him again that the admission slipped from my lips of its own accord.
His mouth curved into a smug grin, tilting at the edges. His smile was gorgeous and oh so tempting as he gazed down at me. But, it was his eyes that really got to me. His smile lit up the green orbs with naked pleasure, unmasked and right out there for me to see. He wasn’t trying to hide how I made him feel, and it filled me with hope for the future.
Hope quickly turned into desire when he brought his mouth down on mine. It was a gentle brush at first, a barely there caress to test my response. When my lips parted and I whimpered, he gave me more—so much more. His arms drew me tightly against him, crushing me against his body while his tongue swept inside my mouth and he devoured me with his kiss.
I linked my fingers behind his neck, holding on and kissing him back with everything I had. Butterflies swirled in my stomach, and my breath hitched. I’d fallen into bed with Weston so easily before, but this time it felt like a momentous decision—as though there would be no going back if I slept with him again. It meant risking my heart, and this time, I knew exactly how much it would hurt to lose him. But it didn’t stop me from reaching up and tangling my fingers in his hair.
He tore his mouth from mine, his chest heaving. That one lock of dark hair fell onto his forehead, reminding me of the night we’d met. My fingers shook as I tugged it back in place. My belly clenched when he responded by lowering his head and pressing soft, sweet kisses all over my face. My cheeks, my forehead, my nose. He didn’t skip a spot.
Each feather-light brush of his lips sent a tremor through my body. The passion between us had burned brightly during our weekend together, and it hadn’t dimmed at all—not even a tiny bit. If anything, it was deeper. More meaningful.
“Twelve long months,” he growled. “I’ve dreamed of you, each and every damn night.”
“You did?” I breathed out.
His warm eyes met mine, staring straight into my soul when he answered. “My thoughts of you were the only bright spot, the one thing which kept me going during the darkest hours of my mission. Knowing I was coming home to you when it was over was what gave me the strength to get the job done. Even after months of no contact, I clung to the belief that you would be mine.”
If I hadn’t already fallen back into bed with him, that right there would have done the job. It was so darn romantic that my panties practically melted onto the floor all by themselves. But it had been a long year apart, and there was one worry screaming in the back of my head. “Were you with anyone else while you were gone?”
He reared back, a look of shock on his face. “Hell no,” he bit out. “I wasn’t with another woman. How could I be when you’re the only one I want?”
“Neither was I,” I admitted softly and felt him relax against me once again.
“No other women for you, huh?”
“Oh,” I giggled, slapping him lightly on the shoulder. “Shut up and kiss me already.”
“I had a lot more in mind than just kissing you,” he murmured against my lips.
