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The movie played, but Sophia couldn’t concentrate, not when there was still an underlying hint of motor oil mixed with cologne coming from him. His T-shirt was stretched over his chest, and the hem rode up slightly in his relaxed position.
A strip of his tan, hard stomach was revealed, and she swallowed, doing her damnedest to control the direction her body was going. She wasn’t a teenager anymore, and there would never be anything between them, so she needed to get that through her brain. Thinking about being with him was a hell of a lot easier than actually trying to act upon those feelings.
Even if she did manage to find a guy, Sophia knew she would constantly be comparing him to Abe. She had already done that with the few boyfriends she had in the past. “Hey, Sophia?” Hearing him say her full name had her heart doing a little patter behind her ribs, but the seriousness in his voice had her tilting her head and looking at him.
To her surprise, he was already looking down at her, a very strange expression on his face. Neither of them said anything for several long moments, and she wondered what was going through his head.
“Yeah?” Her voice was low and breathy, and she felt her cheeks heat. She sounded flippin’ ridiculous. Her heart pounded fast, and her pulse beat rapidly in her throat.
“Do you ever think about your mom?”
She blinked several times, because she didn’t know how to respond. His question caught her off guard. Pushing away from him, she noticed he kept his arm around her shoulders. Their faces were close, so close she could smell the sweetness of the beer he had been drinking. “My mom?”
“Yeah.” His throat worked as he swallowed. “If you don’t want to talk about it, I understand. It’s just…” He exhaled loudly and sat forward to rest his head in his hands.
“What’s going on?”
Abe was never like this, emotional and almost vulnerable. He turned his head and stared at her.
“I’ve just been thinking about my parents lately. You know my mom’s birthday is coming up.” His voice got softer on the end, and her heart clenched. “Anyway, I was just wondering if you ever thought about your mom.”
She stared at him and really thought about his question. The truth was she hadn’t thought about her mom in a long time. There were a lot of bad memories, and thinking about it just made her feel shitty. “I do, sometimes, but they are few and far between.” She looked down and started picking at her shirt.
The movie continued to play, but neither paid it much attention.
“I wonder if she’s still alive, if she’s still using. I think about the times she brought strange men into the house and made me stay in my room.” Sophia had been little then, but those memories were ingrained in her head. She would never forget. She could still smell the booze and smoke that always seemed to fill the house. She remembered how her mom had bloodshot eyes and looked like a skeleton.
How Sophia even survived was beyond her. If it weren’t for the little girl who lived next door to her, she would have never eaten. She had gone over there all the time to eat dinner. The neighbors had to know what went on, but the authorities only came to her home once, and that was when they took her away.
“I wonder if my mom ever thinks about me, if she ever wonders if I’m even still alive.” Damn the tears that spilled down her cheeks.
“Ah shit, baby. I’m sorry I brought it up. Don’t cry, please.” The way he comforted her had her tears falling faster. He pulled her into his chest, and she buried her face in his shirt. He smelled so good, and all she could do was fist his shirt in her hands and let him give her strength.
“You have nothing to feel sorry about, Abe. I always get like this when I think of her.”
“Yeah, but if I hadn’t been so insensitive and brought it up, you wouldn’t be sad right now.” He kissed the top of her head and tightened his arms around her.
She knew her tears made his shirt wet, and he could probably feel it, but all he did was hold her tighter and stroke her hair. His murmured words comforted her, and she was so very thankful she had him in her life.
There were so many times they had been in this same situation, holding onto one another as their pasts reared their ugly heads. When his parents died, he was a mess. Abe used his anger to mask his hurt. Fighting, drinking, and sex with random people had started after all, and the pain she felt for him only intensified. He might have let her hold him while he raged on about the unfairness of it all, but in the end, he drowned his sorrows in everything that was negative.
