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A part of me wondered, whispered, something I could hardly stand to acknowledge - that this wasn't normal. That as a vampire, I was broken.
I could feel her now, a tiger beginning to pace. I could feel her moving, shifting beneath my bones, my muscles beginning to vibrate with it. She wanted my eyes fully silver, my fangs fully descended, my magic spilling through the room. She wanted to take Ethan's words and throw them back, to challenge him with steel.
Or she wanted to throw him down and have her way with him.
Either act would have been violent, primal, incredibly satisfying. And a truly bad idea.
I gripped the handle of the katana, pressing my nails into the cording around the grip to maintain my control. After my failed attempt at warning Catcher, I'd decided to keep the problem to myself. That meant Ethan didn't know, and I wasn't about to announce to a Master vampire who already had trust issues that I thought I was broken.
That she was waiting.
It took seconds for me to push her down, to breathe through her again, seconds during which the magic rose in eddies through the room.
Welcome to Cadogan House, I thought, and with some burst of strength, I willed her back down, lifted my chin and stared back at him. His eyes were wide crystal pools of green.
"I am Sentinel of this House," I said, my voice sultrier than usual, "and I recognize as well as you the responsibility that entails. I have agreed to get you into the places where you need access. I have agreed to help you investigate the raves, and you'll be the first person on my contact list if I learn that Celina is in town. But my love life is off limits."
"Remember who you're talking to, Sentinel."
"I never forget, Sullivan."
Nearly a minute passed, during which neither of us moved, even as the weight of our collective stubbornness thickened the air.
But then, miracle of miracles, he relented. The tension and magic diffused. A single stiff nod was all he gave me, but I relished it, savored it, resolved to commit the moment to memory - the moment he'd tapped out. I managed not to scream, "I won!" but couldn't help the grin that lifted a corner of my mouth.
I should have known the celebration was premature.
"Regardless, you'll check in with me if you bring Morgan to Cadogan House," Ethan said, his tone self-satisfied enough to deflate my smile.
Of course he wanted me to tell him. He wanted to savor the victory of my delivering the new head of Navarre House - and the possibility of a Cadogan -Navarre alliance - to his doorstep. Given his previous doubts about my loyalties - spurred by my controversial change from human to vampire - what better way for Ethan to ensure that I wasn't leaking information in the halls of Navarre House than to keep me safe and secure in Cadogan, Morgan in tow?
I wasn't sure how much I cared about Morgan. It was early; the relationship was young.
But in comparison with the man Mallory had aptly nicknamed "Darth Sullivan," Morgan was Prince Charming in Diesel jeans. I took the comment, inflammatory as it was, as my cue to exit. There was no point in pretending we were going to just laugh this off, and the longer I stayed in the room with him, the more I risked my vampire surfacing.
And if she gained control, God only knew what she'd do. That was a risk I couldn't take - not without risking my own death by aspen stake. So, without meeting the glare I could feel boring into my skin, I rose from my chair and moved toward the door, reaching for the handle.
"And lest you forget," he added, "my interest in your personal life is wholly Cadogan - motivated."
Oh, right in the numbers with that one.
"My concern is about alliances," he said, "about the potential of putting Navarre alliance insignia over our door. Don't mistake it for anything else."
"I wouldn't dare make that mistake, Sullivan." Hard to mistake it when he'd admitted that he was attracted to me, but only begrudgingly. When he'd practically handed me to Morgan. Of course, that was right after he'd offered to make me his newest consort. His live-in, go-to girl. (Needless to say, I'd declined.) But here he was, raising the issue. Maybe Ethan Sullivan, despite his crystalline facade of control, didn't really know what he wanted after all.
"Watch your tone," he said.
"Watch your implication." I was toeing the line of insubordination, but couldn't let him get in the last word. Not on this.
His jaw clenched. "Just do your job."
I nearly growled at him. I'd done my job. I'd done my job when there were a million reasons why I shouldn't risk my life to defend his. I'd done my job, despite his lack of faith, despite my better judgment, because there'd been nothing else to do but to do my job. I'd accepted my life as a vampire, I'd defended him before Morgan, and I'd defended him before Celina.
My frustration rose again, and with it the threat of her breaking through. I could have let her loose, could have allowed her to test her mettle against Ethan... but I'd sworn two oaths to him, one to defend him against all enemies, dead or alive.
My vampire probably counted as one or the other.
So instead, calling up the willpower of a saint, I forced my lips into a smile and gazed at him beneath half-hooded lashes. "Liege," I said crisply, an allowance of his authority, and a reminder of exactly what our respective positions were. If he could put me in my place, I could remind him of his.
Ethan watched me for a moment, nostrils flaring, but if he was angry, he resisted the urge to push back. Instead he bobbed his head and looked down at the spread of papers on his desk. I walked out and, with a decisive click, shut the door behind me.
It's not like I hadn't known it was coming, that he'd work that "I'm the boss" tone and attempt to meddle in my social life. Moving into the House was necessary to quickly respond as Sentinel, to help out my fellow guards, standing by their side instead of cruising down from Wicker Park at the whim of Chicago traffic.
But there was a cost. Being near Ethan was just... incendiary. Part animosity, part ridiculous chemistry, neither conducive to a peaceful home environment. And this was only my first night under his thumb. Not a good sign of things to come.
I returned to my room and worried the end of my ponytail as I looked around. Although the sun's rising would knock me out pretty quickly, I had an hour yet to go before dawn, and my encounter with Ethan had done a pretty good job of winding me up. I figured I could head down to the gym in the Cadogan basement, maybe put a few miles on the treadmill, or check out the Cadogan cafeteria's pre-sunrise offerings. I wasn't going to go that one alone - I was still the new girl, after all. So I took the stairs to the third floor and set about finding Lindsey.
