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“Oh, and you might want to tell your mother to get herself a good lawyer. I already have.”“I can’t do this anymore, Kailani.”
My mother stares out the window of her BMW because she doesn’t want to look at me or the melted cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream in my lap. This was what we always used to do. Whenever there was a bad day, or even a good one, she’d buy me ice cream, and we’d talk it out. She always said ice cream could fix almost anything. The memory isn’t as sweet anymore, and I know it’s because I’ve tainted it.
“I didn’t do this.” My voice wavers. “I swear, Mama.”
There’s a long beat of silence before she looks at me again. “Don’t you think I know that?”
I blink through the tears, confused. “You do?”
“Of course, I do,” she says. “Lily Rothschild doesn’t have a conscience or a soul. But you do. And I know my daughter. I know you wouldn’t do the things they said you did.”
Guilt consumes me. She still looks at me like I’m the girl who made her flower necklaces as a child. She doesn’t know I’ve gone bad, like a spoiled apple. I’m still shiny on the outside, but inside, I’m all rotten.
“I didn’t do what they say,” I admit. “But I did want to get back at Audrey. And I did something I shouldn’t have.”
“Tell me what happened,” she pleads.
But I can’t. I can’t admit all the ugly and terrible truths. The party. The reason I left. The blackmail photos of Jared and the video of Audrey. Pushing away my best friend. This place has turned me into a monster and saying it out loud will only confirm what I’m not ready to face. I can’t win. There is no such thing as revenge. The only one who loses here is me.
“Audrey’s just horrible,” I blurt. “She’s had it out for me from the start.”
My mom looks away again. “Kail, I’m beginning to wonder if you were right. Maybe this isn’t the best place for you right now.”
“What?” My hands go numb around the stupid cup of ice cream. “You don’t want me here?”
“Of course I want you here.” Emotion chokes her voice when she reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “But I’m afraid for you. This isn’t normal teenage stuff. You’re not eating like you should. You’re keeping secrets. You just seem so angry all the time. I’m worried if I don’t do something now, it’s only going to get worse.”
“What do you mean do something now?” I whisper.
“There’s a program.” Her shoulders shake as she lays it out for me. “It’s a residential in-treatment therapy. Maybe they can help you work through some of these issues since I seem to be failing—”
“You aren’t sending me away!” I yell at her.
Her eyes widen as she snaps her gaze back to mine in shock. I’ve never yelled at her before. Not like this. She used to be my best friend. My confidante. And now, it feels as though we’re strangers. Because this secret is poisoning everything. My own mother wants me to go away. It hurts. It hurts so much I don’t know what else to do. So, I open the car door and bolt down the street.
She doesn’t follow.17LandonI spend every night of the next week sleeping on the lounger in Kail’s pool house. She leaves the door unlocked for me, and the gesture doesn’t go unnoticed. Neither does the extra blanket she left there. But I wait until after she’s asleep to come in and leave before she wakes up.
Sometimes, she stirs, and I can feel her eyes on me. Neither of us says a word. She doesn’t ask me why I’m there, and I don’t ask her why she’s been moping around all week. Things are starting to feel too familiar. Too comfortable. I can’t let myself get wrapped up in her problems when I have my own to deal with.
Suzy has come knocking on my house a few times since she left, but I ignore her and hope she’ll eventually get the message. It’s a dangerous game to play with her because I never know what she might do next. That’s why I’m here in the pool house. It’s become more comfortable to me than my own home. A truth I don’t want to analyze too closely.
Every night, Kail’s mom invites me to dinner, and I go because it feels good to have someone give a fuck for a change. Kail and her mom have always had a pretty solid relationship, but the new cold war at the dinner table hasn’t gone unnoticed. It’s awkward and tense as Alana and Theo make conversation and ask me about football while Kailani stews in her silence. Tonight, though, in the middle of dessert, the tides turn.
